Home > Answers > Relationships

Ask Ananda’s Experts
Questions and Answers About Meditation, Yoga, the Spiritual Life, and More

Category: Relationships

Page 1 of 16 Next

No Love Is Ever Lost
April 21, 2015

Geeta
India

Question

Hello, my father passed away in June last year. I miss him everyday very much. I pray to meet him after I die. I never get his dream Never to meet him, such thought is unbearable. He was good.I live with my old mother. Thought of being alone after her causes great fear of loneliness, anxiety comes almost every night after sleep. Inspite of praying and chanting. I am unable to get rid of it. How to remove fear of loneliness, dependency on work ,friends. Grateful.

Mary Kretzmann

Mary Kretzmann

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Geeta,

I am very sorry for your loss. Please know that no love is ever lost, and you will see your father’s soul again. Paramhansa Yogananda teaches us to continue to send our love to our loved ones after they have died. You do not have control on whether or not he appears to you in a dream, but you do have the power to send him your love, anyway. Please know that he will receive that love.

These words of Paramhansa Yogananda offer guidance:

Send your thoughts of love and goodwill to your loved ones as often as you feel inclined to do so, but at least once a year — perhaps on some special anniversary. Mentally tell them, “We will meet again sometime and continue to develop our divine love and friendship with one another.” If you send them your loving thoughts continuously now, someday you will surely meet them again. You will know that this life is not the end, but merely one link in the eternal chain of your relationship with your loved ones.

Please know that your father developed good karma by his goodness, and earned your lasting love. By this we know that he is in a blessed place in the astral world.

Yogananda also wrote:

Souls in the astral region are clothed in gossamer light. They do not encase themselves in bundles of bones with fleshly covers. They carry no frail, heavy frames that collide with other crude solids and break. Therefore, there is no war in the astral land between man’s body and solids, oceans, lightning, and disease. Nor are there accidents, for all things coexist in mutual helpfulness, rather than antagonism. All forms of vibration function in harmony with one another. All forces live in peace and conscious helpfulness. The souls, the rays on which they tread, and the orange rays they drink and eat, all are made of living light. Souls live in mutual cognizance and cooperation, breathing not oxygen, but the joy of Spirit.

Do you meditate? If not, it will help you very much. You mentioned that it is difficult to chant and pray. That can happen in grief, because when our hearts are open to God, we also open more to the grief inside, and so more tears come. And of course, we want to feel God’s bliss and the tears don’t feel like bliss at all, and so we become nervous to meditate deeply. Even so, please do try to do at least 5–10 minutes of Hong-Sau on a regular basis, and soon you will be able to meditate more. This short meditation video will help you to renew your practice. Your deepening calmness will bless you, and also allow your father’s soul to send his love back to you.

Deep grief is a heavy vibration, and the lighter vibrations from the astral world have a hard time cutting through it. Please know that he is already sending you his love and concern, but the grief and anxiety create static that make it hard to get through. The calmness of meditation will allow you to receive the love of your father, and also the love of God and Guru.

Your first step is to read the words of Yogananda, believing. And then pray and meditate, believing. Once you meditation goes deeper, you can also try this method that he taught, below.

To send your thoughts to loved ones who have passed on, sit quietly in your room and meditate upon God. When you feel His peace within you, concentrate deeply at the Christ center, the center of will at the point between the two eyebrows, and broadcast your love to those dear ones who are gone.

Visualize at the Christ center the person you wish to contact. Send to that soul your vibrations of love, and of strength and courage.

If you do this continuously, and if you don’t lose the intensity of your interest in that loved one, that soul will definitely receive your vibrations. Such thoughts give your loved ones a sense of well-being, a sense of being loved. They have not forgotten you any more than you have forgotten them...." 

You can read more about these things in Karma and Reincarnation: The Wisdom of Paramhansa Yogananda. It is available in India, and in the USA.

You mention that you are also anxious about the day when your mother has also passed on. For now, please do not think about this. Instead, deepen your relationship with God so that you can be guided in every moment of your life.

Please know you can also request healing prayers to help you develop peace and calmness at this time.

Blessings,

Mary Kretzmann

Director, Ananda Healing Prayer Ministry

Recommended Reading: Karma and Reincarnation by Paramhansa Yogananda

Fran
USA

Question

An older man in my meditation group who has been meditating for decades began giving me lots of attention. He began calling me, writing me spiritual love notes, etc.. I enjoyed this friendship because I felt supported in my meditation efforts and nurtured in friendship. We had a couple of nurturing moments on the more intimate side. Then he wrote, "feelings change but we’d always be friends in God." I feel used and energetically dry. My meditation has not been the same since.

Nayaswami Diksha

Nayaswami Diksha

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Fran,

I am sorry that your intimate relationship with this man didn’t last long, and that you are now going through a rough time.

In a meditation group, it is quite normal for hearts to open and people to feel attracted to each other. You freely opened the door of your heart and allowed him in, so why do you see yourself as having been used? He might have been confused himself, and only after the two of you became intimate was the energy strong enough that he realized that he was looking for something different, so he withdrew—perhaps out of consideration for your feelings. In any case, at least he had the integrity to end it quickly. There is no one here to blame; simply learn from it and move on.

If you are yearning for a loving relationship with a spiritual man, pray deeply to God and ask for it. Keep your meditation practice strong, your priorities clear, and ask God to help you heal.

Blessings,

Diksha

shiffali
india

Question

Namaste,

I am not able to understand what is the basis of relationship in this world? every time i feel some guy is suitable for me, he ditches me in the most horrible way known and i have always been truthful in all my relations. Is it karma or my ignorance that i am not able to see through people as they are? How can i develop this judgement for others so that i am protected in future?

thanx

Nayaswami Diksha

Nayaswami Diksha

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Shiffali,

The spiritual goal of human relationships is to help us get closer to God.

When someone is drawn to you, it is the result of your magnetism. It is not always easy to understand your own magnetism, but daily practice of meditation and daily constructive introspection can help you. Through these practices you will get to know yourself better, and begin to understand why these things have been happening to you. Then you will see more clearly the direction in which you need to change. All the while, pray to God to help you understand what kind of energy you are putting out that keeps drawing to you the wrong sort of men, and how you can change it. Also pray to God for the strength to make the changes that you need to make.

Here is a page where you can learn how to meditate. There is a video and written instruction as well.

I also recommend that you read Paramhansa Yogananda’s book, How to Love and Be Loved — also published as Spiritual Relationships in America. It will give you a much deeper understanding of human relationships.

Finally, it can be difficult to change your magnetism while you are in a relationship, so I suggest that you take a break from relationships for a while, until you can gain a better perspective on yourself and your relationships.

Blessings to you,

Nayaswami Diksha

Jen
Israel

Question

Im on the spiritual path and this is the most important thing in my life, my partner is jewish and we have three years living together. I love him so much but he feels very bad about my path,since the last year that I started seriously. Because of his beliefs, he think that is bad lucky that I meditate and so on. he never never said me dont do it but im scared, I think he is going down psychologically with fears, he loves me. we are so confused please help me, what can I do, im so scared

Nayaswami Diksha

Nayaswami Diksha

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Jen,

It sounds like you have clarity in one area: The spiritual path is the most important thing in your life.

Because of the confusion in your intimate relationship avoid trying to guess how your partner feels and thinks. The most important thing to do right now is to TALK with each other: communicate clearly and honestly with each other how you feel, what is important to you, what are your fears, what are you willing to compromise, and what you are not willing to. This will give both of you a clear picture of where each person is and whether you want to continue being together.

Blessings,

Diksha

APS
India

Question

Hello Ananda Family,

Firstly would like to thank you all from my heart for answering each and every question with patience and love. God bless you All.

My Question is out of curiosity.

Q: How have all Great Masters in past maintained the relationships with their siblings, even after attaining enlightenment? Although I have heard that there is no mine or yours left after enlightenment, but still others might not be in same state as they were.

Thanks

Nayaswami Diksha

Nayaswami Diksha

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear friend, APS,

If you haven’t yet read Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramhansa Yogananda, you will enjoy it and may find your answers there.

Yogananda had seven brothers and sisters. As he writes of himself, you can see him entering into the play of a "normal" childhood relationship with his siblings. If you also read the book, Mejda, written by his brother about Yogananda’s life, you see that his family always realized there was something special about Yogananda.

It seems to me that Yogananda was always appropriate in his behavior and treated everyone — relatives, colleagues, enemies — with divine love, patience, and wisdom. In the great souls, while these qualities are always found, there is also a certain impartial and impersonal quality — impersonal, not in the sense of being cold, but of not needing to receive anything from others. The great soul is always relating to the divine presence in others.

Aum,

Diksha

Tanya
UK

Question

I am married to a good man who always supports me and treats me well. I also try to be supportive, kind and good to him. I would love him to share my interests: meditate like I do, be interested in yoga and other things that enjoy like sport, travelling, and walking. But, unlike me he spends a lot of time watching TV/films and browsing the internet. I feel that despite having a reasonably good marriage, he is probably not my soulmate and my heart is longing for finding my soulmate. What shall I do?

Nayaswami Savitri

Nayaswami Savitri

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Tanya,

One’s marriage vows are to be taken very seriously. It is not a good thing to be thinking that “surely the grass must be greener with someone else” — when this may not be true at all, or, “... if I find my true soul mate, surely then I'll be happy.” Please read my blog on “Soul Mates” at for more details on this subject.

You say your husband is a good man, who supports you, treats you well, and that you have a reasonably good marriage. It’s just that you don’t share the same spiritual interests. This is the case in several successful marriages that I know about. Count yourself fortunate for the blessings you have found in this marriage! A 100% perfect marriage is rare, if not non-existent!

I’d say that unless there is real abuse or you are truly miserable in your marriage, then you would be wise to give this matter into God’s hands and stay on in the marriage. Pray for your husband to become more interested in spiritual things, but never force or nag about the matter. Just be the best possible example you can and feel God’s presence in him always.

Find other spiritually-minded friends who will fill that need for like-minded company. They are definitely out there waiting to be found! Consider joining Online with Ananda’s Virtual Community. Through it, you can have spiritual friends around the world.

Love and Non-attachment
September 8, 2014

raina
sweden

Question

It seems that family, children, and spouse are the most powerful attachments I feel. If one is attached to their family and still wishes to be free from all attachments, how do they gradually find freedom from this without showing less love and care?

Nayaswami Hriman

Nayaswami Hriman

Ananda Seattle

Answer

Dear Raina,

Our natural bonds of love for our family are the most difficult of relationships in which to understand what nonattachment and freedom means. Yet: it is through our close relationships that we have the greatest spiritual opportunities to grow. Begin by contemplating the spiritual and virtuous qualities of each family member; add to this, contemplating that those qualities and virtues are attributes (aspects) of God, of our souls. Bit by bit, then, begin to see your loved ones not just for their personalities but for their soul qualities, like rays of God’s presence shining through them. With practice and time, you will feel more and more that you are seeing God in each of them, and not just a person who is special to you or different from all others.

In respect to qualities that are not so admirable (faults, quirks, and annoying behaviors), contemplate that they, like you, have lived many, many, many lifetimes. As God gives you the freedom to choose Him, to choose right or wrong actions, so you, too, should follow His example and give to your close ones the freedom to find their way through their errors and shortcomings. This will be easier to do if you practice my first suggestion above.

Lastly, try to feel, imagine or intuit, how, with each loved one, is being reflected back to you, like a mirror, lessons and qualities that you can learn from and/or be helped by. It is all God in various disguises and costumes teaching and guiding you. Pierce the veil of “maya” (of our differences, our likes, dislikes and attachments) to see the One love of God blessing and touching you. Be natural. Be true to yourself and, in so doing, see the highest Truth in all.

Know that in true, divine love you will never lose sight of those who are “yours.” Our lives are intertwined like gold threads in a beautiful tapestry.

Blessings,

Nayaswami Hriman

Difficulty Saying “No”
September 8, 2014

Sangita
India

Question

I find it difficult to say no when people demand or request something even if it causes me inconvenience. Some people are very pushy and simply not ready to respect my convenience. If I deal with them sternly some understand while others feel offended. Even if their offense is unjustified, I feel guilty if they show disappointment and try to make up in some way or the other. It stresses me. How do I deal with them?

Nayaswami Diksha

Nayaswami Diksha

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Sangita,

To relate to other people’s needs in a balanced way, it’s important to develop healthy boundaries. Everyone needs them, yet establishing them take time and patience. It comes through trial and error, and it is time for you to begin that process. You will make mistakes, and that is part of getting clear.

One thing to keep in mind is that you have more alternatives than just saying: “Yes”, or: “Deal with them sternly.” When you are unable to fulfill someone else’s request, you can simply say kindly but firmly, “I’m very sorry, but that won’t work for me right now,” or “I understand your need, but I’m not able to fulfill it at this time.” Some of the people you have been in the habit of pleasing may not accept that answer, but you need to stand firm.

To be able to stand firm, you need to develop a better sense of who you are and what is possible or appropriate for you. For this, I suggest that you establish a solid meditation practice. It will help you stay even-minded in the face of these requests, stay in touch with your own self, and not be afflicted by guilt. You can begin learning how to meditate here.

As your practice deepens, you'll feel stronger, clearer and more peaceful, and be less affected by how people behave. That’s when you'll be able to share your love with them.

Blessings,

Diksha

Page 1 of 16 Next

Ask a question

Related

Categories

Print