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Category: Relationships

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Amrita
India

Question

I love my parents and my parents love me too. But like most other parents,they have also made mistakes in parenthood which has caused prolonged problems for me in childhood. I used to bedwet till about 15, 16. Instead of showing sympathy, they used to shame me on purpose in front of kin and blamed me of being lazy and indifferent.

Even in school, she would give me less food as she thought that was enough, compelling me to steal from my friends' tiffin boxes. Though they have changed, the damage caused undermined my confidence and performance for a long time. Hunger would not let me concentrate in studies.

Now I am in my 30’s, but I still feel angry at times, and in course of arguments, blame them for their negative attitude years back. But they have also done many good things for us as parents. So when I blamed them in anger, they feel very sad and that makes me sad too. Please help me.

Nayaswami Savitri

Nayaswami Savitri

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Amrita,

You are certainly not alone in this world, that is, in having parents who made mistakes in the way they raised you. Almost everyone has something they can say about how they wish things had been different during their childhoods.

But we must not let the past define who we are right now. The past is over! Ask God and Gurus to help you forgive and forget, and don’t put any more energy into blaming your parents for their errors — put it all behind you and get on with your life! You say that your parents have changed for the better. So that means it’s time for you to change for the better also!

There is no one whose life is free from mistakes. The trick about dealing with mistakes is to blame no-one, including yourself. Give it all to God — turn it all over completely. As many times as blame or anger it arise in your mind, or you want to say something hurtful or complain, ask God to help you to keep silent and to pray for those who have hurt you.

And don’t give in to anger — it can be very harmful to you! Anger is simply wishing that things were different from how they are (or were). It is a much wiser use of your energy to transmute that anger-energy into loving and forgiving energy. It might take some practice and some time, but you can do it! You will have a much happier life, if you strive always to do this.

It is a great blessing that you love your parents and that they love you also, and as you have said, "...have done many good things for you." Concentrate only on these good things. Many people would envy you very much in having loving parents — many people do not have loving parents or any parents at all! Count your blessings and, with God’s help, let all that negativity go away!

Annapurna
India

Question

How can we truly honour mothers on Mother’s day as per Guruji’s guidelines?? Is there any way we can show our love and respect for them in group meditations? Can you suggest any way by which we all can meditate together in a group asking God to bless them? How is it done usually in Ananda group meditation centres?

Kristy Fassler-Hecht

Kristy Fassler-Hecht

Ananda Maine

Answer

Dear Annapurna,

To my knowledge there is no official way to honor mothers on Mother’s Day per Guruji’s guidelines.

At our Ananda center over the weekend, we had a Divine Mother meditation for three hours to share inner communion with our Cosmic Mother. In addition, we will pray that all mothers be instruments of Divine Mother’s love to all. It is perfectly appropriate to use the healing prayer technique Master taught with all the mother’s in the group receiving special blessings and prayers from others at the meditation.

In Divine Friendship,

No Love Is Ever Lost
April 21, 2015

Geeta
India

Question

Hello, my father passed away in June last year. I miss him everyday very much. I pray to meet him after I die. I never get his dream Never to meet him, such thought is unbearable. He was good.I live with my old mother. Thought of being alone after her causes great fear of loneliness, anxiety comes almost every night after sleep. Inspite of praying and chanting. I am unable to get rid of it. How to remove fear of loneliness, dependency on work ,friends. Grateful.

Mary Kretzmann

Mary Kretzmann

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Geeta,

I am very sorry for your loss. Please know that no love is ever lost, and you will see your father’s soul again. Paramhansa Yogananda teaches us to continue to send our love to our loved ones after they have died. You do not have control on whether or not he appears to you in a dream, but you do have the power to send him your love, anyway. Please know that he will receive that love.

These words of Paramhansa Yogananda offer guidance:

Send your thoughts of love and goodwill to your loved ones as often as you feel inclined to do so, but at least once a year — perhaps on some special anniversary. Mentally tell them, “We will meet again sometime and continue to develop our divine love and friendship with one another.” If you send them your loving thoughts continuously now, someday you will surely meet them again. You will know that this life is not the end, but merely one link in the eternal chain of your relationship with your loved ones.

Please know that your father developed good karma by his goodness, and earned your lasting love. By this we know that he is in a blessed place in the astral world.

Yogananda also wrote:

Souls in the astral region are clothed in gossamer light. They do not encase themselves in bundles of bones with fleshly covers. They carry no frail, heavy frames that collide with other crude solids and break. Therefore, there is no war in the astral land between man’s body and solids, oceans, lightning, and disease. Nor are there accidents, for all things coexist in mutual helpfulness, rather than antagonism. All forms of vibration function in harmony with one another. All forces live in peace and conscious helpfulness. The souls, the rays on which they tread, and the orange rays they drink and eat, all are made of living light. Souls live in mutual cognizance and cooperation, breathing not oxygen, but the joy of Spirit.

Do you meditate? If not, it will help you very much. You mentioned that it is difficult to chant and pray. That can happen in grief, because when our hearts are open to God, we also open more to the grief inside, and so more tears come. And of course, we want to feel God’s bliss and the tears don’t feel like bliss at all, and so we become nervous to meditate deeply. Even so, please do try to do at least 5–10 minutes of Hong-Sau on a regular basis, and soon you will be able to meditate more. This short meditation video will help you to renew your practice. Your deepening calmness will bless you, and also allow your father’s soul to send his love back to you.

Deep grief is a heavy vibration, and the lighter vibrations from the astral world have a hard time cutting through it. Please know that he is already sending you his love and concern, but the grief and anxiety create static that make it hard to get through. The calmness of meditation will allow you to receive the love of your father, and also the love of God and Guru.

Your first step is to read the words of Yogananda, believing. And then pray and meditate, believing. Once you meditation goes deeper, you can also try this method that he taught, below.

To send your thoughts to loved ones who have passed on, sit quietly in your room and meditate upon God. When you feel His peace within you, concentrate deeply at the Christ center, the center of will at the point between the two eyebrows, and broadcast your love to those dear ones who are gone.

Visualize at the Christ center the person you wish to contact. Send to that soul your vibrations of love, and of strength and courage.

If you do this continuously, and if you don’t lose the intensity of your interest in that loved one, that soul will definitely receive your vibrations. Such thoughts give your loved ones a sense of well-being, a sense of being loved. They have not forgotten you any more than you have forgotten them...." 

You can read more about these things in Karma and Reincarnation: The Wisdom of Paramhansa Yogananda. It is available in India, and in the USA.

You mention that you are also anxious about the day when your mother has also passed on. For now, please do not think about this. Instead, deepen your relationship with God so that you can be guided in every moment of your life.

Please know you can also request healing prayers to help you develop peace and calmness at this time.

Blessings,

Mary Kretzmann

Director, Ananda Healing Prayer Ministry

Recommended Reading: Karma and Reincarnation by Paramhansa Yogananda

Fran
USA

Question

An older man in my meditation group who has been meditating for decades began giving me lots of attention. He began calling me, writing me spiritual love notes, etc.. I enjoyed this friendship because I felt supported in my meditation efforts and nurtured in friendship. We had a couple of nurturing moments on the more intimate side. Then he wrote, "feelings change but we’d always be friends in God." I feel used and energetically dry. My meditation has not been the same since.

Nayaswami Diksha

Nayaswami Diksha

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Fran,

I am sorry that your intimate relationship with this man didn’t last long, and that you are now going through a rough time.

In a meditation group, it is quite normal for hearts to open and people to feel attracted to each other. You freely opened the door of your heart and allowed him in, so why do you see yourself as having been used? He might have been confused himself, and only after the two of you became intimate was the energy strong enough that he realized that he was looking for something different, so he withdrew—perhaps out of consideration for your feelings. In any case, at least he had the integrity to end it quickly. There is no one here to blame; simply learn from it and move on.

If you are yearning for a loving relationship with a spiritual man, pray deeply to God and ask for it. Keep your meditation practice strong, your priorities clear, and ask God to help you heal.

Blessings,

Diksha

shiffali
india

Question

Namaste,

I am not able to understand what is the basis of relationship in this world? every time i feel some guy is suitable for me, he ditches me in the most horrible way known and i have always been truthful in all my relations. Is it karma or my ignorance that i am not able to see through people as they are? How can i develop this judgement for others so that i am protected in future?

thanx

Nayaswami Diksha

Nayaswami Diksha

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Shiffali,

The spiritual goal of human relationships is to help us get closer to God.

When someone is drawn to you, it is the result of your magnetism. It is not always easy to understand your own magnetism, but daily practice of meditation and daily constructive introspection can help you. Through these practices you will get to know yourself better, and begin to understand why these things have been happening to you. Then you will see more clearly the direction in which you need to change. All the while, pray to God to help you understand what kind of energy you are putting out that keeps drawing to you the wrong sort of men, and how you can change it. Also pray to God for the strength to make the changes that you need to make.

Here is a page where you can learn how to meditate. There is a video and written instruction as well.

I also recommend that you read Paramhansa Yogananda’s book, How to Love and Be Loved — also published as Spiritual Relationships in America. It will give you a much deeper understanding of human relationships.

Finally, it can be difficult to change your magnetism while you are in a relationship, so I suggest that you take a break from relationships for a while, until you can gain a better perspective on yourself and your relationships.

Blessings to you,

Nayaswami Diksha

Jen
Israel

Question

Im on the spiritual path and this is the most important thing in my life, my partner is jewish and we have three years living together. I love him so much but he feels very bad about my path,since the last year that I started seriously. Because of his beliefs, he think that is bad lucky that I meditate and so on. he never never said me dont do it but im scared, I think he is going down psychologically with fears, he loves me. we are so confused please help me, what can I do, im so scared

Nayaswami Diksha

Nayaswami Diksha

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Jen,

It sounds like you have clarity in one area: The spiritual path is the most important thing in your life.

Because of the confusion in your intimate relationship avoid trying to guess how your partner feels and thinks. The most important thing to do right now is to TALK with each other: communicate clearly and honestly with each other how you feel, what is important to you, what are your fears, what are you willing to compromise, and what you are not willing to. This will give both of you a clear picture of where each person is and whether you want to continue being together.

Blessings,

Diksha

APS
India

Question

Hello Ananda Family,

Firstly would like to thank you all from my heart for answering each and every question with patience and love. God bless you All.

My Question is out of curiosity.

Q: How have all Great Masters in past maintained the relationships with their siblings, even after attaining enlightenment? Although I have heard that there is no mine or yours left after enlightenment, but still others might not be in same state as they were.

Thanks

Nayaswami Diksha

Nayaswami Diksha

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear friend, APS,

If you haven’t yet read Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramhansa Yogananda, you will enjoy it and may find your answers there.

Yogananda had seven brothers and sisters. As he writes of himself, you can see him entering into the play of a "normal" childhood relationship with his siblings. If you also read the book, Mejda, written by his brother about Yogananda’s life, you see that his family always realized there was something special about Yogananda.

It seems to me that Yogananda was always appropriate in his behavior and treated everyone — relatives, colleagues, enemies — with divine love, patience, and wisdom. In the great souls, while these qualities are always found, there is also a certain impartial and impersonal quality — impersonal, not in the sense of being cold, but of not needing to receive anything from others. The great soul is always relating to the divine presence in others.

Aum,

Diksha

Tanya
UK

Question

I am married to a good man who always supports me and treats me well. I also try to be supportive, kind and good to him. I would love him to share my interests: meditate like I do, be interested in yoga and other things that enjoy like sport, travelling, and walking. But, unlike me he spends a lot of time watching TV/films and browsing the internet. I feel that despite having a reasonably good marriage, he is probably not my soulmate and my heart is longing for finding my soulmate. What shall I do?

Nayaswami Savitri

Nayaswami Savitri

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Tanya,

One’s marriage vows are to be taken very seriously. It is not a good thing to be thinking that “surely the grass must be greener with someone else” — when this may not be true at all, or, “... if I find my true soul mate, surely then I'll be happy.” Please read my blog on “Soul Mates” at for more details on this subject.

You say your husband is a good man, who supports you, treats you well, and that you have a reasonably good marriage. It’s just that you don’t share the same spiritual interests. This is the case in several successful marriages that I know about. Count yourself fortunate for the blessings you have found in this marriage! A 100% perfect marriage is rare, if not non-existent!

I’d say that unless there is real abuse or you are truly miserable in your marriage, then you would be wise to give this matter into God’s hands and stay on in the marriage. Pray for your husband to become more interested in spiritual things, but never force or nag about the matter. Just be the best possible example you can and feel God’s presence in him always.

Find other spiritually-minded friends who will fill that need for like-minded company. They are definitely out there waiting to be found! Consider joining Online with Ananda’s Virtual Community. Through it, you can have spiritual friends around the world.

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