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R
India

Question

Is it ok to snoop on someone before starting a relationship for a background check, or even on someone whom we are in a relationship with and have sensed dishonest traits about the other person and not willing to tell the truth? I guess it is ok as long as our intention is not to harm but protect ourselves. Or should we keep praying to God to turn around things for the better and not snoop, as snooping is dishonest and even we won’t feel God if someone snoops on us?

Nayaswami Hriman

Nayaswami Hriman

Ananda Seattle

Answer

Dear R:

You state that your intention is not to harm the other but protect yourself. I suppose that certain types of inquires might be appropriate. Asking the advice of friends and family, for example. Consulting a wise and experienced marriage counselor, for example.

Pat Wolff
USA

Question

I’m struggling to understand if I have the right attitude. There was a man at work who tried to attract my attention and I would not give him any acknowledgement. I had no reason to speak him about any work related questions so I avoided even walking by his cubicle to prevent more occasions when he would try to force me to acknowledge him. I was forced to retire so the situation is resolved that way but after today’s webinar, I wonder if I am free of whatever caused the issue.

Nayaswami Parvati

Nayaswami Parvati

Ananda Village

Answer

This is a very good question. From what you have described, I would say that it’s not as much about your attitude, as it is about understanding the workings of energy and magnetism. I would like to give you a little background on this subject before addressing your particular situation.

shayne
singapore

Question

There a girl that I like. I have confessed my feelings to her but there is just this one obstacle between me and her. I actually younger than her by one year and she minds it. How do I change this?

Nayaswami Hriman

Nayaswami Hriman

Ananda Seattle

Answer

Dear Shayne,

One year difference in age is not very much by adult-age standards. So perhaps you both are still quite young! Nonetheless, we who practice meditation and yoga and who speak of past lives find one year to be insignificant! Speak to her about friendship and that friends are always friends regardless of their differences, which in this case, are slight. At age 33, one year of life is only a 3% difference — almost insignificant!

February 24
2014

RN
nz

Question

Hi, I always find it hard to progress with friendships beyond the first initial contact. How do you earn people‘s respect, friendship, and caring attitude? How do you learn which people are worth your time and which are using you? Or which are jealous of you. I am considered an attractive female and extremely sensitive and shy. This combination always makes it hard for me to open up discussions or immerse myself in conversations where people don't ask me questions or I am asking all the questions etc.

Nayaswami Sahaja

Nayaswami Sahaja

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear one,

Our dear Swami Kriyananda, aka J. Donald Walters, wrote a wonderful little booklet called Secrets of Friendship.

My suggestions here are based on those “Secrets”.

First of all you must be a friend. You can do this by demanding nothing from others but instead showing appreciation. Don’t worry about getting friends to listen to you, actively listen to them. Take action when a friend needs help.

February 24
2014

N
India

Question

Dear Nayaswami Hriman, I’ve recently started dating a man, who as it turns out, is an atheist. We’re still getting to know each other, but I feel like this bit of info has thrown me off. It’s not that I feel superior because of my meditation practice (which he says he’d like to learn) but I feel like I am constantly looking for flaws in him now. Like a bad temper, unkindness, horns(!!) I am praying for help and guidance, but feel like something’s “stuck” in my heart! What should I do? :(

Nayaswami Hriman

Nayaswami Hriman

Ananda Seattle

Answer

Dear Friend,

As Paramhansa Yogananda (and many others) have said, “Your beliefs won’t save you.” This is as true for religionists as for atheists! Or as Ralph Waldo Emerson once put it, “Who you are speaks so loudly I can’t hear your words.”

How often do we see orthodox believers who believe all the “right” things but who treat others unkindly or with judgment?

RN
nz

Question

Hi there,

When I fall in love with someone (It‘s a new feeling for me. My last relationship was 6 years ago, and this is only a few months old.) I have noticed I want to be around that person all the time, and I imagine my future with this person. How do I meditate to help me see my path of life I have chosen is right and true?

Nayaswami Parvati

Nayaswami Parvati

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear friend,

It’s interesting that you phrase your new relationship as “Falling in love.” In a new relationship of any kind I would suggest you use this phrase instead, “Getting to know you.” Whether it’s simple friendship or a romantic relationship, it’s best to take the time to get to know the other person first in a number of different ways, rather than assuming that something more is going on. I would assume an attitude of friendship as a basis, then try to have various kinds of interactions with that person such as working with them, enjoying entertainment, etc. Sexual energy can very much distort what is most important in a relationship, so it’s best to get through the initial energies of finally finding someone who may be “the one.” Take the time to see which direction this new connection is going in. Do you really like them as a person and is there good compatibility “chemistry” between you? Are you moving in the same direction spiritually? Do they meditate? How do you each feel about family life, social life, and spending time apart? Will you enjoy spending time with their family (because you most likely will!)?

A Singh
India

Question

Hi Ananda Members!

By God’s grace I get to know the real intentions/feelings of people around me, no matter how hard they try to hide from me or others. And it so happens that time also reveals those things sooner or later. Now my problem is I am always silent and just watch everything instead of speaking out and I do suppress my feelings and anger which causes trouble to me in many ways. Please suggest how can I best handle such revelations and still maintain my calm. Thank you.

Puru (Joseph) Selbie

Puru (Joseph) Selbie

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear A Singh,

Yogananda often said that we are here to learn to love. We are not here to correct the behavior of others. As we deepen spiritually we can often more clearly see the faults and selfish motivations of those around us. Our challenge is to learn to give them our unconditional, non-judgmental love regardless of their behavior.

January 27
2014

Niraj
India

Question

I know this question has been asked frequently. But is premarital sex wrong? If a man and woman love each other intend to marry — and do it moderately, and are have spiritual inclination.

A happily married man told me that he was spiritually inclined and had prayed to God to give him the right partner. He found her and indulged in it but not frequently and then married her and they are leading a happy life.

Nayaswami Pranaba

Nayaswami Pranaba

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Niraj,

Perhaps the best way to approach this question is to put it in perspective of what is the ideal and then see how that plays out in the world we live in!

The ideal is to not let sex be a strong emphasis in a relationship, and even more so, before there is a commitment such as marriage. It would be better to have the emphasis on divine friendship with one’s partner which allows a deeper and more fulfilling relationship to unfold; one that merges the personal love for one another into the one love of God. If a couple can redirect their energies from sex to a more uplifting love then certainly that will help the couple grow spiritually.

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