Ask Ananda’s Experts
Questions and Answers About Meditation, Yoga, the Spiritual Life, and More

Category: Relationships

Previous Page 3 of 16 Next

R
India

Question

Is it ok to snoop on someone before starting a relationship for a background check, or even on someone whom we are in a relationship with and have sensed dishonest traits about the other person and not willing to tell the truth? I guess it is ok as long as our intention is not to harm but protect ourselves. Or should we keep praying to God to turn around things for the better and not snoop, as snooping is dishonest and even we won’t feel God if someone snoops on us?

Nayaswami Hriman

Nayaswami Hriman

Ananda Seattle

Answer

Dear R:

You state that your intention is not to harm the other but protect yourself. I suppose that certain types of inquires might be appropriate. Asking the advice of friends and family, for example. Consulting a wise and experienced marriage counselor, for example.

By contrast, hiring a detective would probably go beyond the dharma, except in unusual circumstances.

You are not going to find perfection on someone else if you have not found it within. Only in God can we find the everlasting happiness we chase in outward circumstances.

Marriage can bring surprises, happiness, sadness, betrayal and much more. It is not ours to know the future or our karma. If we think we are going to find the perfect mate we will invariably be disappointed.

So do what you must but do nothing for which you may have to apologize or regret. Offer your common sense actions into faith.

Blessings!

Nayaswami Hriman

Pat Wolff
USA

Question

I’m struggling to understand if I have the right attitude. There was a man at work who tried to attract my attention and I would not give him any acknowledgement. I had no reason to speak him about any work related questions so I avoided even walking by his cubicle to prevent more occasions when he would try to force me to acknowledge him. I was forced to retire so the situation is resolved that way but after today’s webinar, I wonder if I am free of whatever caused the issue.

Nayaswami Parvati

Nayaswami Parvati

Ananda Village

Answer

This is a very good question. From what you have described, I would say that it’s not as much about your attitude, as it is about understanding the workings of energy and magnetism. I would like to give you a little background on this subject before addressing your particular situation.

Many people today are not aware that they live in a world of energy. This energy is behind all matter and is the basis of all that we see around us; in fact, of all of creation. We as human beings, every cell of our bodies, are made of energy.

Because of this, it is important to understand how energy works. One example, especially as it relates to the question that you’ve asked, is what happens when energy, in the form of electricity, is passed through a wire. That electricity, in turn, creates a magnetic field around the wire. And this magnetic field draws more electricity to itself.

People are very much like that wire. They are made of energy which is also constantly passing through them. As that energy passes through, it creates a magnetic field around them. Depending on the person, and the amount of energy passing through them, this magnetic field can be either strong or weak. This field is sometimes referred to as the “aura” of a person. Although you may not be someone who can see auras, you may certainly feel the effect they have on you. Each person you meet will differ in the kind of magnetism they exude, and in the strength of that magnetism.

To return to your question, there exists an inherent magnetism between people. Most people are aware of it, but usually in a superficial way. For those who understand the principles of energy and magnetism, it is important to be aware of the kind of magnetism you direct outward to other people. I have found that when I meet someone who has a kind of magnetism that I don’t feel good about, I need to be very careful in how I relate to them. I don’t mean that I would necessarily be outwardly cold or aloof toward them. But I would be careful to not relate to them in a familiar way. I would try to keep things on a more impersonal level. In the workplace, this would most likely be seen as relating in a “professional” way.

The other very important thing to understand about magnetism is that when two people meet and interact with each other, whoever has the stronger magnetism will influence the other person. It’s simply the law of magnetism. This is why you may instinctively feel to avoid some people, such as you have done with the man at your work. It is tiring to have to do so, but very important to your own energy. It is especially important when you are engaging in the spiritual life and trying to live in a more uplifted way. This is why the concept of “satsang,” or fellowship with truth, is so emphasized on the spiritual path.

So to answer your question more directly, I would say that it is good to have experienced this situation. In this way you now have a direct understanding of how energy and magnetism work. And they are at work all the time! Sometimes leaving the situation is the answer. But when that is not possible, then it is important to be vigilant and strong in your own energy (as you have done), and to project this energy in an impersonal way. Familiarity is usually what people will project to open you up to their influence. If you don’t want that influence, then you need to keep your distance energetically.

When you are forced to project a positive and impersonal energy to someone, this also works in your favor magnetically. By doing this, you create a stronger magnetic field around you of that kind of energy. In most situations this will eventually be unappealing or unattractive to the other person, and they will not continue trying to engage you. But if they feel an opening, and that it’s a game you are playing with each other, then they may well persist.

If you would like to learn more about the influence of energy and magnetism in your life, I would recommend the book Awaken to Superconsciousness by Swami Kriyananda. Chapters 10, 11, and 12 focus on the subjects of both energy and magnetism.

shayne
singapore

Question

There a girl that I like. I have confessed my feelings to her but there is just this one obstacle between me and her. I actually younger than her by one year and she minds it. How do I change this?

Nayaswami Hriman

Nayaswami Hriman

Ananda Seattle

Answer

Dear Shayne,

One year difference in age is not very much by adult-age standards. So perhaps you both are still quite young! Nonetheless, we who practice meditation and yoga and who speak of past lives find one year to be insignificant! Speak to her about friendship and that friends are always friends regardless of their differences, which in this case, are slight. At age 33, one year of life is only a 3% difference — almost insignificant!

Perhaps this attraction does not run deep if one year is a serious objection. Perhaps she is not for you!

God alone is our nearest and dearest Beloved through Eternity. All else is like foam upon the sea! True friendship sees the Divine and the Highest in one another, not the superficial.

Blessings,

Nayaswami Hriman

Help with Friendship
February 24, 2014

RN
nz

Question

Hi, I always find it hard to progress with friendships beyond the first initial contact. How do you earn people‘s respect, friendship, and caring attitude? How do you learn which people are worth your time and which are using you? Or which are jealous of you. I am considered an attractive female and extremely sensitive and shy. This combination always makes it hard for me to open up discussions or immerse myself in conversations where people don't ask me questions or I am asking all the questions etc.

Nayaswami Sahaja

Answer

Dear one,

Our dear Swami Kriyananda, aka J. Donald Walters, wrote a wonderful little booklet called Secrets of Friendship.

My suggestions here are based on those “Secrets”.

First of all you must be a friend. You can do this by demanding nothing from others but instead showing appreciation. Don’t worry about getting friends to listen to you, actively listen to them. Take action when a friend needs help.

Next (very important) never belittle a friend’s enthusiasms. Hold kind thoughts even when there are misunderstandings. Be true to your word, your promises and commitments. Be respectful of the opinions of others even if you do not agree.

Last of all, try to feel God’s love behind the blessing of friendship and hold up the very highest in your friends. Try to see others as God sees you; with love.

Dating an Atheist
February 24, 2014

N
India

Question

Dear Nayaswami Hriman, I’ve recently started dating a man, who as it turns out, is an atheist. We’re still getting to know each other, but I feel like this bit of info has thrown me off. It’s not that I feel superior because of my meditation practice (which he says he’d like to learn) but I feel like I am constantly looking for flaws in him now. Like a bad temper, unkindness, horns(!!) I am praying for help and guidance, but feel like something’s “stuck” in my heart! What should I do? :(

Nayaswami Hriman

Nayaswami Hriman

Ananda Seattle

Answer

Dear Friend,

As Paramhansa Yogananda (and many others) have said, “Your beliefs won’t save you.” This is as true for religionists as for atheists! Or as Ralph Waldo Emerson once put it, “Who you are speaks so loudly I can’t hear your words.”

How often do we see orthodox believers who believe all the “right” things but who treat others unkindly or with judgment?

So, your friend may say he’s an atheist, but what he is in his character and consciousness are more important than his beliefs (or in this case, lack of belief). You are right to observe his behavior and attitudes, though one shouldn’t expect perfection in another person if you haven’t achieved it yourself!

The dividing line is on the basis of respect. If, as a self-proclaimed atheist, he is dismissive, antagonistic, and disrespectful of your (and others’) sincerely held spiritual practices and beliefs, I’d call the match finished! If he’s closer to being an agnostic (one who says, simply, he doesn’t know whether there is a God etc. etc., and may even be open to it but prefers to keep his distance from any assertion that, to him, is unprovable), and assuming other positive and compatible qualities, I’d say carry on and see how the relationship unfolds.

May the Light of Wisdom guide your steps towards truth and true love,

Nayaswami Hriman

RN
nz

Question

Hi there,

When I fall in love with someone (It‘s a new feeling for me. My last relationship was 6 years ago, and this is only a few months old.) I have noticed I want to be around that person all the time, and I imagine my future with this person. How do I meditate to help me see my path of life I have chosen is right and true?

Nayaswami Parvati

Nayaswami Parvati

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear friend,

It’s interesting that you phrase your new relationship as “Falling in love.” In a new relationship of any kind I would suggest you use this phrase instead, “Getting to know you.” Whether it’s simple friendship or a romantic relationship, it’s best to take the time to get to know the other person first in a number of different ways, rather than assuming that something more is going on. I would assume an attitude of friendship as a basis, then try to have various kinds of interactions with that person such as working with them, enjoying entertainment, etc. Sexual energy can very much distort what is most important in a relationship, so it’s best to get through the initial energies of finally finding someone who may be “the one.” Take the time to see which direction this new connection is going in. Do you really like them as a person and is there good compatibility “chemistry” between you? Are you moving in the same direction spiritually? Do they meditate? How do you each feel about family life, social life, and spending time apart? Will you enjoy spending time with their family (because you most likely will!)?

Meditate on things such as this and try to be honest with yourself about how you really feel about this person, not what you wish you felt. Have a variety of experiences with them over time to see if there is something more there in the way of a relationship.

Regular, daily meditation will help you be more impersonal and discriminating about what is actually happening between the two of you. Each day in meditation hold up the relationship with this person in God’s light and ask that He bless and guide you in it.

A Singh
India

Question

Hi Ananda Members!

By God’s grace I get to know the real intentions/feelings of people around me, no matter how hard they try to hide from me or others. And it so happens that time also reveals those things sooner or later. Now my problem is I am always silent and just watch everything instead of speaking out and I do suppress my feelings and anger which causes trouble to me in many ways. Please suggest how can I best handle such revelations and still maintain my calm. Thank you.

Puru (Joseph) Selbie

Puru (Joseph) Selbie

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear A Singh,

Yogananda often said that we are here to learn to love. We are not here to correct the behavior of others. As we deepen spiritually we can often more clearly see the faults and selfish motivations of those around us. Our challenge is to learn to give them our unconditional, non-judgmental love regardless of their behavior.

Learning to love is not a passive process. You can learn to transmute your repressed feelings into action. Be of service to others with enthusiasm and thoughtful kindness. Do not ask yourself if they deserve your love. God loves us unconditionally. Love others with the same impartiality.

When we learn to love others unconditionally, we become channels for His love. As channels, we are deeply blessed by what flows through us.

Warm regards,

Puru (Joseph) Selbie

Is Premarital Sex Wrong?
January 27, 2014

Niraj
India

Question

I know this question has been asked frequently. But is premarital sex wrong? If a man and woman love each other intend to marry — and do it moderately, and are have spiritual inclination.

A happily married man told me that he was spiritually inclined and had prayed to God to give him the right partner. He found her and indulged in it but not frequently and then married her and they are leading a happy life.

Nayaswami Pranaba

Nayaswami Pranaba

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Niraj,

Perhaps the best way to approach this question is to put it in perspective of what is the ideal and then see how that plays out in the world we live in!

The ideal is to not let sex be a strong emphasis in a relationship, and even more so, before there is a commitment such as marriage. It would be better to have the emphasis on divine friendship with one’s partner which allows a deeper and more fulfilling relationship to unfold; one that merges the personal love for one another into the one love of God. If a couple can redirect their energies from sex to a more uplifting love then certainly that will help the couple grow spiritually.

But for many couples this isn’t an easy proposition! If a couple still feels drawn to have premarital sex then hopefully it is with an attitude of including God in that experience. A suggestion for any couple developing their relationship is to try to meditate together so the bond between them is strengthened at a deeper level; if that energy is strong then the magnetism of God’s presence will be with them and they will tune into what is appropriate from their own inner experience.

Blessings,

Nayaswami Pranaba

Previous Page 3 of 16 Next

Ask a question

Related

Categories