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September 9
2013

Suman Banrjee
India

Question

Hi! What is the way to choose a right life partner? Are our life partners pre-destined from our karma of previous incarnations? Yoganandji emphasizes a lot on not getting carried away by attraction. While that is true, is it wise to go ahead with a marriage where there is absolutely no chemistry and only because the guy has less vices (adultery, ill-temper etc). How important should be financial position of the guy?

Nayaswami Parvati

Nayaswami Parvati

Ananda Village

Answer

Since you live in India I would imagine that your question is a little more involved with the opinions of others than it would be in the United States.

If it is your choice, the best way to choose a life partner is to begin developing a deeper spiritual life through daily meditation, service, and God remembrance. In this way you can begin increasing your spiritual energy and magnetism. It is through your own magnetism that you can attract to yourself others with a similar magnetism. Using this spiritual magnetism is much more important than past karma in determining who is a good partner.

Nicole Smith
US

Question

Hello,

What are your thoughts on bringing up an ex-wife or past relationships in passive conversation into current relationships? This person also has a young daughter with his ex. Personally, I don’t see any use for it. The past is the past. Why bring it up in current dating situations? Too make a long story short, our short-lived dating relationship ended due to him taking about his ex-wife and me questioning if his feelings for her were completely over.

Kristy Fassler-Hecht

Kristy Fassler-Hecht

Ananda Maine

Answer

Dear Nicole,

Your question regarding bringing up past love relationships while dating has many nuances. As you don’t share the context in which the past wife was mentioned, it’s difficult to discern how appropriate it was or wasn’t to mention her.

I suggest you review in your mind the occasions your date brought up his past wife and feel what his intention was behind the words. What was the energy behind his voice communicating? Was he trying to convey a message to you about what worked or didn’t work in the relationship? Was he living in the past or trying to help you understand something about how his past impacted the present? Perhaps you perceived correctly that he simply wasn’t over her and needed to work on closure before dating someone new. Perhaps all these feelings and/or others were part of the reason he shared about his past wife. Certainly when a child is in the picture the relationship continues beyond the end of a marriage.

Rusha Verma
India

Question

What was Yoganand’s take on the financial independence of women? Is it necessary for her to be financially independent after marriage to earn the respect of her husband?

Also I heard somewhere that stealing is better than being lazy. Isn’t it true that incurring no karma is better than incurring negative karma?

Thanks and regards

Nayaswami Diksha

Nayaswami Diksha

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Rusha,

To my knowledge, Yogananda didn’t write specifically about financial independence of married women. He did write that a woman should not marry a man because of his money, because marriage for money never lasts. In his book: Spiritual Relationships, He suggested a plan of behavior for the wife and the husband for a successful marriage. One of the things he mentioned for the wife is that she should make herself more and more useful and interesting to her husband.

Venu
India

Question

I have attracted several relationships one after the other (around 6), in which I have ended up getting hurt.

Some were brief hurts while others were very deep. Few were good guys but most of them just wanted to have fun. Yoganandji says that what we suffer today are a result of our past bad karmas and we can improve our future by mitigating karma now.

How do I know what bad karma I had done? Unless I know where I went wrong, how can I improve my karma on this front?

Tyagi Jayadev

Tyagi Jayadev

Ananda Assisi, Italy

Answer

Dear Venu,

Your first karma to improve might be: awareness of people. Before entering into anything serious, find out what is behind the nice words of a man. If you sense that in truth he only wants fun, leave him alone. Don’t enter into anything physical for a long time. Tell him, “I am a nun,” and if he loses interest in you, then he doesn’t love you.

August 13
2013

Rohini Biswas
India

Question

Please help!

I had been in a relationship with a man who is a very powerful negative magnet. He keeps talking very very dirty and does that with multiple women at the same time. I didn’t understand initially as he pretended to be decent, but after I came to know it took some time for me to break off.

I had a pure mind and consciousness before this, but though I have broken off, I keep having dirty fantasies now which lowers my mood. His company has corrupted my mind.

Please help to get out of it.

Nayaswami Diksha

Nayaswami Diksha

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Rohini,

Here are a few suggestions to help you uplift and cleanse your consciousness:

1. Daily, set time for your spiritual practices-sadhana. Read the scriptures, practice yoga and meditation. Practice affirmations and Japa, and think of God as much as you can during the day. After meditation, try to consciously emanate peaceful vibrations outward from your heart to your environment. Remember: Where the light is, darkness cannot enter.

August 8
2013

Suman Banrjee
India

Question

Is being diplomatic and tactful better than being straightforward? My mother often scolds me for being straightforward, as I can’t be dishonest and pretend to smile or love someone when I am actually angry with them. Don’t you think that is dishonest?

But I cool down fast and be normal.

Is that likely to create problems with my future husband and in-laws as my mother says? How do I become more gentle and at the same time not submit to wrongs? I have lost few men in the past because of being straightforward.

Puru (Joseph) Selbie

Puru (Joseph) Selbie

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Suman,

This is an excellent question and I can think of no more excellent answer than to quote Sri Yukteswar (guru of Paramhansa Yogananda):

“Straightforwardness without civility is like a surgeon’s knife, effective but unpleasant. Candor with courtesy is helpful and admirable.”

July 31
2013

Hinu
India

Question

I got married six months back and post marriage I have discovered (from a third source which is confirmed) that my husband who is 40 had broken several hearts before marriage and had multiple flings. Alcohol is a part of his family culture. He felt good when hearts were broken by him as that supposedly upped his attraction quotient. My husband still doesn’t know that I have discovered all this. So far he has been good to me but I’m disgusted. Am I building my home on tears? What must I do now?

Nayaswami Diksha

Nayaswami Diksha

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Hinu,

Since your husband has been good to you so far, continue to love him and be very kind to him. Help him to reform himself through your love and respect.

Paramhansa Yogananda gave an affirmation to be used after your daily meditation:

"Father, keep me and my husband perfectly united in body, mind and soul, and in ever-increasing happiness by Thy perfect law."

July 30
2013

Ajay Diwanji
India

Question

Should we continue our friendship with people who have treated us badly for whatever reasons and betrayed our trust? At times it is said that we should continue to be friends so that we get a chance to show them the right path. If we break off all ties, we lose that chance. How true is it?

Puru (Joseph) Selbie

Puru (Joseph) Selbie

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Ajay,

There are thousands of stories told by people who “died,” had a deeply moving experience of an after life, and then returned to tell us about it. In a great number of these stories the people describe having been given a “life review,” during which all of their life’s experiences pass before them. During the life review, all of their life’s experiences were considered in the light of only one, one, all important, question: “Did you learn to love?”

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