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January 27
2014

Niraj
India

Question

I know this question has been asked frequently. But is premarital sex wrong? If a man and woman love each other intend to marry — and do it moderately, and are have spiritual inclination.

A happily married man told me that he was spiritually inclined and had prayed to God to give him the right partner. He found her and indulged in it but not frequently and then married her and they are leading a happy life.

Nayaswami Pranaba

Nayaswami Pranaba

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Niraj,

Perhaps the best way to approach this question is to put it in perspective of what is the ideal and then see how that plays out in the world we live in!

The ideal is to not let sex be a strong emphasis in a relationship, and even more so, before there is a commitment such as marriage. It would be better to have the emphasis on divine friendship with one’s partner which allows a deeper and more fulfilling relationship to unfold; one that merges the personal love for one another into the one love of God. If a couple can redirect their energies from sex to a more uplifting love then certainly that will help the couple grow spiritually.

Rob
United States

Question

How does one practice non-attachment with those that don’t, or can’t, understand the concept without getting drawn in to their drama?

Tyagi Jayadev

Tyagi Jayadev

Ananda Assisi, Italy

Answer

Dear Rob,

If I understand correctly, your question is: “If I am non-attached, some don’t understand, but react emotionally. How should I handle this?”

Especially where close relationships are concerned, we have to learn to become mature. Swami Kriyananda established a Maturity Principle: “Maturity is the ability to relate appropriately to other realities than one’s own.”

Dan
united states

Question

Hi there. I have what for me is a hard question. Is it falling to the desire of sex if its just my girlfriend who asks for it ? I have said no many times without haste but I don’t want to ruin this relationship because of sex. I feel God's love in her. What should I do? Because I don’t desire it anymore. But I can’t let her suffer, can I? I can’t. What to do? I follow these teachings of your Master very strictly myself.

Nayaswami Diksha

Nayaswami Diksha

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Dan,

It’s common for a sincere spiritual seeker to want to leave sex behind. However, when two people share a committed relationship, the needs of each person must be respected. Sex is a powerful desire, and if one of the partners has that desire, it’s quite normal, and the other person should honor it. It doesn’t have to be a constant thing, after all. Just remember when having sex to take God with you. Give love and make sure that the occasion uplifts both of you.

Suma
India

Question

Is it all right for a person on spiritual path (who does meditation regularly) to neglect the wishes of his children, wife (like go for a movie and do activities with children which may not be of any spiritual value but may provide joy and happiness to them). I have an understanding that spirituality is to become one with God. Also, all Gurus say God is in everyone.

Puru (Joseph) Selbie

Puru (Joseph) Selbie

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Suma,

Your question is one that has been asked by sincere seekers for millennia: Does living only for God require one to distance oneself from all worldly activities?

Paramhansa Yogananda, and our line of gurus, stressed, especially for householders, the importance of nishkam karma (desireless action) or “being in the world but not of it.” How does one live in the world but be not of it? The key is to adopt an attitude of service, to perform ones duties lovingly, faithfully, and responsibly, not for self-gratification, but for the benefit of others.

November 7
2013

Sohan
India

Question

I have been looking for a solution to a problem for many days and while surfing saw this site. Someone very dear to me, out of a misunderstanding, hates me so much and snubs me that it feels unbearable. I feel scared to even approach that person out of fear of being snubbed. I have never meant any harm to that person but it was just situational which had compelled me to be harsh to that person on one occasion wen it was her fault and she knew it very well. Is there any way to reduce the negativity?

Kristy Fassler-Hecht

Kristy Fassler-Hecht

Ananda Maine

Answer

Dear Sohan,

The first thing that is appropriate is to apologize for the harsh words you said to the woman. She probably felt your anger or other negative emotion more than the truth of the words you expressed to her (assuming the words were true and not hurtful).

November 6
2013

Teresa
Usa

Question

I was married for 33 years and have been separated for 6 months. My husband walked, saying he wanted a divorce. Yet he has not filed for a divorce and comes home every weekend. Will we ever reconcile or will keep his word and file? I want to celebrate our Golden Years together. What do you see in my future?

Nayaswami Sahaja

Nayaswami Sahaja

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Teresa,

I am sorry that I cannot predict the future. The clarity you are seeking will come from direct communication with your husband. Ask him what he wants and then share with him what you want. Look for possible solutions to the disharmony in your marriage. Your husband may have been unhappy for many years or may be going through a mid-life crisis. I don’t know him or what dynamics are at work in your relationship. Try to be open to understanding how he feels.

October 22
2013

Jerma
India

Question

Hi! I have caught my fiance cheating on me. He vehemently denied all this though it was very obvious and we had a huge argument on this as I was shocked on how he was lying when things were very obvious. Now I have solid proof in my hand. Do you think it would be right to confront him lovingly with the proof?

Nayaswami Sahaja

Nayaswami Sahaja

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Jerma,

I’m sorry to hear of the turbulence in your relationship, it must be very painful for you.

You ask about lovingly providing proof to your fiance. If you have proof, then both of you know the truth. If he is lying to you as well as cheating on you, perhaps you should consider getting out of this relationship while you can. May you find solace in God.

October 8
2013

Venu
India

Question

Hi Jayadev! Thanks for your answer on http://www.ananda.org/ask/how-can-i-avoid-getting-hurt-in-relationships. Probably one needs to be happy on ones own for a long time. However in Indian astrology there is something called the "yog of marriage". As per my horoscope, after 2015 I won’t have any yog for marriage.This thought makes me nervous as I am 35 now. Do you think spirituality can help me overcome this barrier?

Tyagi Jayadev

Tyagi Jayadev

Ananda Assisi, Italy

Answer

Dear Venu,

I wouldn’t give too much importance to that "yog of marriage". Horoscopes reflect karmic patterns, and that karma can be "roasted by wisdom" as Yogananda writes in his Autobiography of a Yogi, in the chapter "Outwitting the Stars". He writes:

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