Category: Spiritual Parenting
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Helping a Child's Broken Heart
July 21, 2015
My husband issued me a legal notice during 4th month of my pregnancy.I blindly trusted him but he deceived me and my daughter.I had a chance to terminate my pregnancy but being a Mother I didnt.From the community which I belong,father has a prime importance for upbringing of the child.I take all the responsibility upon my shoulders as Shri Swami Vivekanada says and accept what destiny has to offer. But I am unable to c sufferings of my daughter. How can I suffice her pain?
Thank you for your question. I am so sorry that you had to endure this shock during your pregnancy, in what ideally should be a time of peace and harmony between a couple. You do not mention how old your child is at this point, and in what ways she shows her suffering, but I will answer you in some general ways. Please do feel free to write back to me, as needed.
The main "cure" for your child is to pray for her every day, and feel that you are surrounding her heart chakra in love and healing light. We can pray for her, as well. In my private healing sessions I have sometimes come across a similar scenario in which a great trauma happened during pregnancy, and abortion was considered by the parents. In such cases, the baby sometimes internalizes all that angst, and believes on a core level they are somehow flawed, and is the cause of all the problems between the parents. This core thought of being "the problem" can continue through life, unless healed.
I am glad you did not have the abortion. Paramhansa Yogananda says that life begins at conception. So it is a spiritual victory that you did not take the easy way out at that time. She is blessed to have you as her mother.
Please feel free to request healing prayers for your daughter and for yourself, until you feel this issue is resolved in Light. try not to think of her father as the enemy in any way, as this is a burden for your child. He is her father. Some difficult karma was at play, and he wasn’t ready then to live up to the responsibilities of marriage and family. Maybe that will change in the future, or maybe in another life. But for now, simply see him as God’s erring child, who failed you in your time of great need. Hopefully this will help you to let go of some of the pain, and this in turn will help your daughter. Children are very connected to their mothers.
Surround yourself with the support of family and friends, if possible. How old is your daughter now? These spiritual resources may be helpful to you, once you have created a stable life for her. We will pray for you.
Please keep in touch.
Mary Kretzmann, Director,
Prayers for children and for safety
December 19, 2014
Hi, I was wondering if there were any prayers by Guruji or Swamiji, that I could use in the following 3 cases..
1. I’m terrified of driving after a road accident a few years ago.., is there a prayer I can say before starting the engine to help protect us on the road?
2. A Bedtime prayer that can be used with Children? Not too short or banal.
3. And also a Morning Prayer that can be used with Children.
Thank You Very Much!
First, I am sorry to hear that you had a car accident a few years ago. I assume it was serious because it has had this lasting effect on you. Many of us here at Ananda Village say a prayer before starting the car, and especially before driving off of the Ananda land. Many of us also have a small picture of Paramhansa Yogananda in our cars.
There is no prescribed prayer for this, but before you drive, see yourself and your car surrounded in a halo of light. Pray to our line of Gurus, and ask that your trip be guided, protected and blessed. Also, it is good to do other things to strength your aura. Do you have an astrological bangle? They offer a protective power. You can read about them in Chapter 16 of Autobiography of Yogi. Prayer and devotion also strength the aura, but the bangle helps us even when we have momentarily forgotten God.
You also asked about children’s prayers. You will find these free resources to be helpful. Choose whichever prayers seem suitable for your child.
- Prayer Demands for Children
- Life’s Little Secrets
- Healing Prayers with Children
- Finding God in Your Family
You will also enjoy this section on Family Life Resources: A Treasure Chest of Books and More. It offer free books and articles that will help you at any stage of parenting.
God bless you,
Handling your child's tantrums in a spiritual way
December 18, 2014
My daughter, who is almost 4, has a lot of tantrums when she doesn’t get her way. Still breastfeeding. Feel like I need help with my practice so that I can stay connected and see God in her and bring out/reinforce the healthy part of her. Any thoughts come to mind for fertilizer for healthy relationship/spiritual parenting? (I do realize that a lot of this is a call to deepen my own practice — a big challenge while also facing the other demands on my time and energy)
Thank you for your question. I started meditating in my early 20’s, married at age 23 and had my first child at age 24. My three children are all grown now, and they are well-adjusted and spiritually inclined individuals. Also, as young woman I was a preschool teacher for a few years. So what I share with you is based on my personal experience, and the inspiration from the teachings of my Guru, Paramhansa Yogananda.
Temper tantrums are an unfortunate aspect of childhood, but if they are too frequent it shows that something may be out of balance in the child’s life. Since you say that your daughter throws a tantrum whenever she doesn’t get her way, there are a few things that you can do:
- Get her to calm down, saying something like “Take a deep breath,” and ”Use your words…”
- If she insists on throwing a fit, a “timeout” may well be in order. I used timeouts for my kids on occasion, but I never exceeded one minute per year of age. So, a four year old would get a four-minute timeout. This is not harsh, especially if you tell the child we are trying to create a peaceful home here.
- I sometimes had to resort to locking the door of the bedroom (with a simple hook and eye) if the child would not cooperate with the timeout. I only had to resort to this a few times, but it does get the point across that you mean business. I still kept to the one minute per year of age.
I used timeouts as a last resort. Normally I would find ways to reward positive and cooperative behavior. One day I made a “star chart” that was simply a big field of blue, and the kids could place their star anywhere on the chart after they did something helpful, or without raising a big fuss. They asked me what the reward would be, and I said, “You will notice that when this sky of deep blue is filled up with gold stars, you will have had a happy mama and a peaceful home for quite a while…” That actually made sense to them, and they were only a little older than your daughter at the time.
Children need to learn to behave, not only so they can do well later in life, but also so they don’t make their friends and family miserable in the process. Tell your daughter you want to start working on this so you can all have a happy family and a peaceful household. An only child needs to be told that it is time to grow up, at least a little. In a larger family, such as was common in past generations, a four-year old could not have the entire world revolve around her every little desire. By then she could have easily had two younger siblings, and the child would have to think of the needs of others, even if just a little.
For this reason, it is also helpful for a child to go to preschool or kindergarten for part of the day. I don’t believe in all-day childcare, if it can be avoided (though I know some circumstances require it). But your daughter might really benefit from a part-time preschool program to help expand her reality, and learn healthier ways of relating.
Here are a few free online resources that may be a big help to you now:
- Do’s and Don’ts of Good Parenting, by Paramhansa Yogananda
- Education for Life, by Swami Kriyananda
- Finding God in Your Family, by Mary Kretzmann
Finally, take a moment to look over Family Life Resources: A Treasure Chest of Free Online Books and More. Here you will find many resources to help you at every stage of parenting. Read a little bit each day and apply the things the make sense to you.
You also ask for help on how to "see God in her." I think one of the best approaches to that would be to start the journey of helping her to see God in herself. Paramhansa Yogananda taught that the first gentle steps of spiritual training can begin at age two. With that in mind, consider using these resources for prayers at bedtime, etc. Some of these ideas are for slightly older children, so adapt accordingly:
- Prayer Demands for Children, by Paramhansa Yogananda
- Life Little Secrets for Children, by Swami Kriyananda
- Healing Prayers with Children, by Mary Kretzmann
I hope these resources are a help to you. Please don’t be overwhelmed by it — just read a little bit every day, and your own journey with your daughter will become clear.
God bless you,
Director, Ananda Healing Prayer Ministry
P.S. And last but not least, you may find this affirmation below very helpful, because when a marriage is happy and strong it is easier to carry out these noble ideals in family life.
Yogananda’s Affirmation for Increasing Marital Happiness
Father, please keep my husband (wife) and I perfectly united in body, mind and soul, and in ever-increasing happiness by Thy perfect law.
Family Life and Spiritual Life
August 25, 2014
Is starting a family a mistake on the spiritual path? My sadhana is much shorter than it was before I had a child, and I sometimes wonder if we made the right choice. Yet I do feel closer to God than ever even though the meditation portion of my life has decreased. Could you lend some insight to this?
The results of your decision reveal to you a greater depth and Atunement even in spite of having less time to meditate. God can come to us whenever we are, for God is our very Self. As our hearts are attuned to the divine presence we will feel that presence in ourselves, in our children, in every moment.
So, be not concerned. What time you have for meditation be grateful and go deep, giving yourself wholly to God. Your life will then be blessed. Serve God in the needs of your family. Chant his name throughout the day. “To those who think me near, I will be there.”
Joy to you in all you do,
How Much Maturity to Expect in Teenagers
January 23, 2014
Is it normal to expect a thirteen-year-old normal child to behave like a mature child? I know in some circumstances few kids grow up to be very mature. How should I approach to make a child understand that she should become aware of the surroundings and act accordingly? I don’t think forcing or imposing on them is good idea. Should I be giving them more space to learn and wait to see results? Please suggest.
The question of teens and maturity is an immensely important issue. They don’t look like cute little children anymore, but we also need to see that real maturity is going to take a while. In the book Education for Life maturity is defined as the ability to relate to realities other than your own. To help your teen move in this direction you can do the following things:
1) Engage them in conversations about different events you experience together. Ask reflective questions like: What do you think that person was thinking? Why do you think that person behaved that way?
2) Put them in situations that expand there life experience beyond what they’ve grown up with, for example: helping serve at a homeless shelter, offering to read books to hospitalized children, volunteering at an animal shelter, visiting with people at a retirement home, traveling to a different country.
3) Watch videos together of inspiring things people have done (Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, etc.), and then discuss the events with your son/daughter focussing on how their actions changed other people’s lives.
These are a few suggestions, but anything that expands your teen's world in a positive way will be helpful. The bottom line is that they are finished with childhood and need to be treated differently, but not expected to perform at an adult level.
How Does a Soul Enter a New Life?
November 19, 2013
If life begins in the womb after the first cell division how does the soul enter the new life and at what point?
Paramhansa Yogananda addressed the point of when the soul enters the body in numerous writings. Those deeper writings are for married couples desiring to pray in a special way at the point of conception, in order to invite a spiritual child to their family. (Of course, the love, goodness, and spiritual devotion of a couple also serve as a divine magnet, helping to draw a more spiritually receptive child.) The story below carries the essence of this deep truth...
Swami Kriyananda was often present when Paramhansa Yogananda spoke privately with disciples, received visitors, or discussed his writings. These conversations are recorded in a wonderful book, Conversations with Yogananda. This basic question of life is addressed in entry #177:
It is a common belief these days that until a child is actually born, it is not yet a consciously developing human being. This belief is fallacious.
“When does the soul enter the body?” someone asked the Master.
“At the moment of conception,” he replied. “When the sperm and ovum unite, there is a flash of light in the astral world. Souls there that are ready to be reborn, if their vibration matches that of the flash of light, rush to get in. Sometimes two or more get in at the same time, and the woman has twins, triplets, or even – well!
“It is important, therefore, to come together physically with an uplifted consciousness. That flash generated in the astral world reflects the couple’s state of consciousness, especially as they felt during the moment of physical union.”
RECORDED, WITH REFLECTIONS, BY HIS DISCIPLE SWAMI KRIYANANDA
Paramhansa Yogananda also taught that when the flash occurs, from the sperm and ovum uniting, the new body starts to create the medulla oblongata, the seat of the “ego” in the body. So the soul enters at the very moment, drawn by the flash of light, seen in the astral world.
By Mary Kretzmann,
…from the teachings of Paramhansa Yogananda…
Sharing Spiritual Vibrations with a Newborn
January 14, 2012
Hello. I would like to ask a question about spiritual parenting.
I have a Newborn daughter and have been on the Spiritual path for some time now and I was wondering if there was anything I could do for her soul's spiritual development even at this age.. All the books on Spiritual education don't seem to say much about the first year of Life. Could you give me a list of ideas of what I can do together with her that can be of Spiritual Benefit to her even now? Thanks!
One of the best practices with a newborn is to meditate with them while holding them in your lap or arms. Since they are so sensitive to energy, you will need to consciously include them in your meditation, feeling God's presence surrounding both of you.
Playing devotional music at different times during the day will also help. You could read spiritual books, again expanding the vibrations of the book to include your child. And, of course, there is always praying for them, as you probably already do.
Magnetizing a Healthy Pregnancy
November 17, 2011
My husband and I have been trying to have a second child since my miscarriage 10 months ago. When each month comes back unsuccessful, I get so sad and depressed. I have tried praying, meditating and giving this deep desire up to God to take care of but am becoming more obsessed with it as more time goes by. I am on a fertility diet and now am trying fertility yoga. I have done everything except going on fertility drugs, which I am against. Please, any advice on how to let go of this desire?
I apologize for the delay in responding to your question. I had a family emergency that required all of my attention for about two weeks.
As a naturopathic doctor, I have a couple of things to suggest about conception and maintaining a healthy pregnancy that you may never have considered before.
One is to make sure you have eliminated any allergens and sensitivities like mold, dust, and foods that you are aware of, as much as possible from your environment and diet. I have seen many moms with previous histories of miscarriages have multiple children once these immune triggers were cleared from their systems. I suggest you have blood testing for IgG, IgA and IgM food, mold, and environmental sensitivities to learn what you need to avoid.
In addition, I suggest you and your husband each write a letter inviting a soul to join your family. If your child is old enough, you might ask him to write a letter as well. The letter needs to be sincere, heartfelt, and soul felt, truly welcoming a new soul into your family. These may later be a part of the baby's scrapbook!
Once you have done these things, I suggest you follow Paramhansa Yogananda's teachings about inviting a spiritual child into your home. Meditate about the soul you are inviting and magnetizing to you.
One of a devotee's biggest lessons in life is non-attachment. You have indicated this desire has become more and more of an obsession. This is a time that is testing your non-attachment.
Do your best with the above suggestions and then completely offer your desires and attachments into the lap of Divine Mother. "Thy will, not mine, Divine Mother!"
May you feel God's blessings through your journey!
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