I am 30, an Engineer. My career of 5+ yrs has been very unstable and I already have changed 4 jobs, every job ending in a bitter way and am unemployed now, though I am technically strong, but not apt in managing relationships. Though I have tried to improve and things seemed to be improving, but maybe something to do with my way of thinking or negativeness. My intuition doesn’t help either and I behave in the opposite way the situation demands. AlsoI can’t get myself to study, started meditation for help.
Thank you for writing.
Life is, so to speak, a big intelligent "machine" of evolution, designed to take us back to our own true Self, to our divine being of light, love, and beauty.
However, our ego in this process often doesn’t want to evolve, to cooperate: it resists the necessary change and therefore needs those bitter experiences, to move forward.
So take this experience as a useful catalyzer, helping you to make an important step forward, toward the Light.
You are not apt in managing your relationships, you explain, adding that it might have to do with your way of thinking and with negativity. So if this is the main issue, make it your definite priority to change this inner pattern. Your true job, spiritually speaking, is character-engineering: your outer job as an engineer is only an outer momentary frame for that inner lasting work. Nothing is more important than finding our way back to being a child of God, of the Light.
Watch out for the voice of ego which loves to slow down this evolutionary process, saying: "I don’t really need to change, the way I behave is quite fine, this is simply the way I am, it is my character." It is not. The trouble is, if we refuse to learn and to change, life can easily treat us even more bitterly in the future, as it doesn’t allow us to remain stuck on that level.
A good system would be to clearly define the positive opposite quality of your behavior which has caused you the bitter end of 4 jobs. The opposite positive quality of negativity, for example, could be kindness in thought and word. Make it your first job to establish that quality in your life, practicing it whenever you can. Whenever "Mr. Negativity" presents itself, refuse to let him enter into your head and heart, as much as you can. He is like sand in the machinery, breaking it. Immediately invite "Mr.Kindness," giving him nourishment, encouragement, support.
You might want to use an affirmation, regularly. Here is one example on kindness, from Yogananda’s Metaphysical Meditations:
"I will try to please everyone by kind, considerate actions,
ever striving to remove any misunderstanding
knowingly or unknowingly caused by me."
And here is a prayer, from the same book:
command the lake of my kindness
ever to remain undisturbed
by the storms of misery‑making anger."
Or you may find a more fitting affirmation and prayer for your situation.
I am glad you say "I have tried to improve and things seemed to be improving." Keep going, keep trying, keep working on it. I wish you good progress, with the sweet fruit of happy relationships in your future stable job.
And it is wonderful that you have started meditation in the process. Inward silence will let your beautiful soul-qualities blossom naturally, bit by bit. You are a child of God and nothing else is your true nature. Yogananda writes in his Autobiography: "Man is a soul, and has a body. When he properly places his sense of identity, he leaves behind all compulsive patterns."
In divine friendship, jayadev