When I meditate, esp with lights off at night, i feel so scared. All sorts of negative thoughts,fears come to my mind. I somehow convince myself saying God will protect me at all times & continue to meditate. Also I feel so insecure & I struggle to decide even simple matters.How do I eliminate such thoughts?I should always be with my God mahavatar babaji so that I am on the right path;He should guide my actions.My parents & Guru should always feel proud of me.Please bless & help me.Thank you
Dear Friend in God,
You mention that you meditate with lights off at night. Actually, Swami Kriyananda mentions that it is better not to meditate in total darkness. Light a candle, or, if it helps you, keep a light on.
The more you practice meditation and the more you develop devotion to God, your fears will lessen. It’s important at this point to do what you can to establish a positive meditation routine. So, I would suggest that you:
1. Keep lights on
2. Have a picture of your Guru on your altar
3. Begin with a prayer, perhaps even said out loud
4. If you know any devotional chants or mantras, it might be nice to begin with some singing to help open your heart with love
5. Focus intently on your Guru when you begin your meditation practices. Use a specific technique of meditation, such as the Hong-Sau technique, to keep your mind focused and to avoid drifting into subconsciousness. (You can learn the Hong-Sau at this site.)
6. Keep your meditation short for a while — perhaps 15 minutes — until you can develop the habit of enjoying meditation, instead of just fighting fear
As you develop the habit of positive association with your meditation, you can lengthen it. Meditation and devotion will help you develop inner strength.
Practice during the day talking to your Guru inwardly. Begin to see him as your dearest friend, someone who knows you through and through and accepts you every step of the way on your journey to God. Don’t keep him at a distance by feeling you have to make him proud of you. Share your weaknesses with him, knowing his love and acceptance is with you all the time.
Yogananda said, “Give your faults to God. He likes that.” Offer your fears to your Guru. Tell him that you are ready to release them into his hands. See the fear as something that is NOT your real self, something you can offer up to God.
He also said, "God doesn’t mind our faults, He minds our indifference." Continue to work on your love for God and do the best you can. That is all He wants of you.
In divine friendship,