I waver in accepting Yogananda as my guru. I accept it and reject it. I recently decided to try to devote myself to Divine Mother and it felt right, but the next day I didn’t feel the initial fulfillment. Please help me understand this. I have been practicing Kriya for 4 years and feel the benefits, but have determined I need to be devoted to Guru or God.
I am glad you practice Kriya Yoga and can feel its benefits.
You write of your desire to be devoted to God or Guru. Wonderful! There is no need to feel conflicted between the two.
Truly, there is no separation between a fully realized master like Yogananda, and God. They are one. "I killed Yogananda long ago," the master used to say. "No one dwells in this house (the body) now, but God."
It is of utmost importance that we open up to the subtle guidance of the Guru, if we are to practice our Kriya correctly. God’s power through the Guru, added to our own efforts, work the miracle of transformation in our lives. I urge you to open your heart fully to Yogananda’s grace, knowing that Divine Mother Herself is flowing through him to bless and uplift you.
I hope this is helpful.