I was given kundalini diksha by the disciples of a master who has left his body many years back; I have not seen the master in person but only through videos & photos. I dont know much about him much. His disciples SOMETIMES fail to deliver what they are supposed to. So,I doubt my master;my mind starts to waver; I dont know whether I am at the guidance of the right Guru.But sometimes I feel that he’s my guru.What should I do now? Why am I finding it hard to accept him as my guru?
You are asking a very natural question, and there is much that could be said about it. Here a few thoughts:
1. If you expect perfection from any guru’s disciples, you are guaranteed to be disappointed. Like you, they are “saints in training.” A better measure is to look at his disciples and ask yourself, “Do they seem to be sincere? On the whole, even with their failings, do they seem to have what I’m looking for, or at least be moving clearly and steadily in that direction?” If the answer is “Yes,” then it may well be that this is your guru.
2. Pray to the guru for an answer to your question. Paramhansa Yogananda used to say that you can draw the vibration of a master from a photo. Do that: Gaze deeply into his eyes and try to feel his vibration. Then offer your prayer, and feel for a response in your heart: perhaps a deep calmness or uplifting joy if he is your guru.
3. Go on a doubt fast for a time. Don’t even think about your uncertainty. Simply commit yourself wholeheartedly, without holding back, to your guru, to his teachings, to cooperating with his disciples, and to practicing the techniques that he gave. Keep your eyes wide open for signs, but go for it. That is the way to generate the magnetism to know your path. Just thinking about it will never bring you to a solution. It is tempting to think, “If only I knew, then I would commit myself.” But the fact is, if only you will commit yourself, then you will know.
4. Focus less on whether he is a worthy guru, and more about whether you are a worthy disciple. The attitude of discipleship will draw the guru’s grace, whoever your guru may be.
I wish you all the best.