Ask Ananda’s Experts
Questions and answers about meditation, yoga, the spiritual life, and more

Category: Relationships

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bindu
india

Question

Sir,

Sometimes we experience a failed love affair. Will these failed love affairs lead to karmic debt? If so, will we be born again and repay it by making the love affair work? Will a love affair failed now lead to union in our next birth?

Tyagi Jayadev

Ananda Assisi, Italy

Answer

Dear Bindu,

Karma is a highly complex issue. There is no yes/no answer.

Karmic knots can be dissolved in our own heart and consciousness, without having to relive those relationships which failed.

On the other hand, yes, strong emotional bonds are a magnet which might end up pulling two souls together again, to work things out.

Anita
India

Question

I have just emerged from a breakup of a very deep relationship. I am 39. I have taken recourse to spirituality and am trying hard to regain my strength.

My family wants me to settle down as they feel that relationship wasn’t worth it and age is not on my side. I have asked myself several times, but I am not yet prepared for another man in my life. My mind wants to pay heed to what they say, but my heart strongly refuses.

I feel I have karmic debts to repay. Am I being foolish? Will I regret later? I love my parents.

Tyagi Jayadev

Ananda Assisi, Italy

Answer

Dear Anita,

I think you are far from foolish. Rather you are wise to give yourself time now, after that breakup. It might even be a good idea to consciously give yourself a whole year, before letting any thought of another man and relationship enter your mind.

Anita
India

Question

It has been three years that I broke off with my lover, but the pain is still there. We had broken of on a bad note. Recently, I was told I might have had past life connection with him. That is why I am suffering so much and if I don’t work out on this issue, I will be hurt again in the future incarnation. Is there any way to turn the wrong connection of the past into right connecetion?

Nayaswami Gyandev

Ananda Village

Answer

Hello Anita,

I’m sorry to hear that you’re still in pain over that past relationship. Significant relationships touch us deeply, and those touches can linger.

You said that you might have had a past life connection with him. Well, I can all but guarantee you that you did have a past life connection with him. The people with whom we connect in significant ways rarely if ever drop spontaneously into the continuum of all our lives. They work their way in, deeper and deeper, over the course of a number of lifetimes.

AJ
India

Question

I have always wanted to make genuine friends, and be liked by everyone. But I have been an ignored person since school days. People who have never even spoken to me judge me & ALWAYS make negative opinions about me. I am nothing but a laughing stock for people. I tried talking about this with my father, and he thinks I have a poor body language. I don’t understand that either. I strongly believe in Karma & do good, but all I receive in return is people stabbing me in the back. Please help.

Nayaswami Hriman

Ananda Seattle

Answer

Dear Friend,

One key precept well worth practicing, even if at times not easy to do, is to distinguish between how others respond to you and how you respond to them.

What I mean by this is simply that we can make our lives miserable if we concern ourselves too much with how other people treat us, and, all too often, what we "imagine" they may think of us. We cannot help or control the behavior of other people. The sooner we can accept that, then we can be begin working on our own behavior. As Mahatma Gandhi said so well and now famously: "Be the change you seek."

Mafalda
Portugal

Question

I would like to know what is correct to do in order to help a soul. Can we light a candle in our home? Talk to the soul, explain it should get detached from this plane...?

I would like to send my love to my deceased husband (we had a car accident), and do what I can. His birthday is coming soon. I feel so much his presence again. I´m afraid with my emotions to be binding him to earth. I thought of celebrating his birthday by getting our kids playing. He was a cellist. But is this correct to do? Grateful.

Mary Kretzmann

Ananda Village

Answer

"Keep broadcasting love thoughts to your dear ones of this world and to those who have gone ahead of you in robes of light." ~ Paramhansa Yogananda

Dear Mafalda,

My heart goes out to you and your children; please receive my deepest condolences for your profound loss

Prerna
India

Question

I am looking forward to get married. I have a guy in my life who I believe can be a good life partner for me. However, there are many constraints that are stopping me to go ahead with the proposal. My family is completly against the guy due to following reasons: a) They find the guy clever enough. b) My parents believe a lot in astrology. And all astrologers predictions are going totally against the match. I am not able to decide and feel what is right for me. Should I go with astrological predictions?

Nayaswami Seva

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Prerna,

I believe that in all inharmonius situations one should wait, give the situation lots of time. Continue in the relationship but wait on marriage until you are sure within yourself. This is your life, and you need to feel that whatever you do, you calmly know deep within yourself you are going in the right direction.

February 6
2013

Prabha
Australia

Question

I am unsure about how to practice moderation of sex, in my marriage. Ever since I have been spiritually inclined, over the last year or so, I have lost my interest in sex. My husband however is at a different stage in life. I somehow feel wrong to say NO to him but at the same time I wonder if it is going to hinder my spiritual progress.

Nayaswami Sahaja

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Prabha,

This is a very difficult question and there is so much I don’t know about you and your particular situation, but I will do my best to answer. If you have a good marriage and you love and respect your husband and he loves and respects you, you should be able to talk about this together. Let him express what his needs are and you in turn express your desire to practice moderation. Ideally you will come up with something that can work for both of you.

Ram Tej
Pune

Question

I am a devotee of Shirdi Sai Baba. I am a bit fickle minded and leave everything at half done. I lost my job dependent upon my wife earnings and take care of kids @home while she works. Question is: Why God is not protecting me by melting my Bad Karma. I have a relationship with a married lady in the past. But now I use to remind her now & then but no meetings. This is the only bad thing I have done in my life. Will this be a obstacle in my spiritual life if I think abt her now & then growing my bad karma?

Nayaswami Parvati

Ananda Village

Answer

I think you have an interesting view of God and how the spiritual life works from the first question you ask: Why is God not protecting me by melting my Bad Karma? My question to you is, “Why should He?” God would not do such a thing as to “melt your bad karma.” Your karma, created by your own actions (both in this life and in other lives) is there for you to deal with and to learn from. Why would God take this golden opportunity away from you! By dealing with your karma you will grow spiritually, and you will really not grow in any other way. You have created this karma, and must develop your will power and devotion to overcome it.

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