Dear friends, I feel that the last year I have lost myself. I was at Ananda Assisi then on pilgrimage to Indiacfor months and very much only meditating, praying, searching for God everywhere.
Now I feel this was too much. I couldnt see the point in living anymore and my vitality got so low. Now I have the strong urge to eat meat again, to live a more "normal" worldly live, to regain ego strength and shape my personality from anew. Do you have any advise or grounding techniques?
Thank you & blessings!
—Christin, Germany
Dear Christin,
Thank you for writing and for your honesty. I’m sorry to hear of what you’re going through, but it is quite understandable, given what you did last year. Each of us has parts of our being that resist the spiritual quest, and when we shift into high gear, spiritually speaking, those parts can rebel. They can give rise to thoughts of abandoning the spiritual path, living an anti-spiritual life, being hypercritical of others who are on the path, even doing deliberate damage to ourselves. They can be strong.
Begin by accepting that it’s okay to step back from such a fast spiritual pace. Give your ego some space, and don’t be critical of yourself for needing to do that. After all, it took quite a beating last year. Relax.
Meanwhile, do what you can to regain your spiritual enthusiasm. Keep feeding yourself, spiritually, because the worldly life will take over if you let it. Continue your meditation practice. Spend time with friends who are spiritually sincere (but are not doing anything extreme). And be sure to have some fun – really, that’s important. Go for hikes in nature, watch uplifting videos, read uplifting books. Laugh. Master said to read one funny story each day; give it a try.
And above all, keep your connection with God. Practice the divine presence in a relaxed, friendly way. Converse with God. Share your heart’s feelings, and ask to be shown your next step at the right time. It will all work out if you stay connected and feed your desire for God.
Blessings,
Gyandev
