Problem in Relationship, we have been married, i had to come out my parents for her. Now some other person has come in to her life, she is not showing least of intrest in me, due to which iam now getting very bad negative thoughts about her, i dont want to think any thing negative about her, some times feel like taking my head off, i know we attract what we think and feel, i want to be positive about our relation n want my wife back in my life. how i can solve this with gods help. pls help me.
—Manohar , India
Dear Manohar,
God bless you.
I will answer your question together with this other one, which you asked a few days ago, as they seem to go hand in hand.
“i have been a very bad negative thinker throughout my life, now 32, i have been receiving all those negatives in my life, i associate all that i want to do n have in my life with negative thinking, always i feel i want something, and internally feel i cant get it, or i am not worth it, in relationship i always suspect and think negative of them. Every minute i get negative thoughts and i want to stop all these and get positive living, pls pls guide me what to do, pls pray for me. Thank you.”
Your above question about your relationship would be a difficult one if it stood alone, as it is difficult to answer without knowing the circumstances: your character, her character, the dynamics between the two of you, the reasons why she left.
But together with your other question the situation gets a bit clearer.
Fortunately you have understood already: you need to change those negative thoughts and attitudes.
You have also understood that negative thoughts create a negative magnetism, that thoughts have a power of attraction, and that a future in this way won’t go well for you (including in your relationships) …. except if you change this habit of thinking.
And that will be hard work, as this mental samskara seems quite rooted in you. But fortunately, “What man has done, he can undo.”
The first question is: are you serious in wanting to change? Are you really ready to fight? If your answer is yes, change can and will happen. But we often say, “I want to change,” but there is little power behind it, as in truth we are attached to our old ways, and changing is always difficult.
So as long as we don’t really want to change nothing will change, and the future will be our teacher again.
If you are ready for the battle, here is a strategy which I use myself: be watchful, and every time a negative thought appears, let it be followed immediately by an opposite positive thought – toward that person, toward yourself, toward a situation. I do it often.
You can then repeat that positive thought several times. Try it.
Another strategy is a daily “negativity fast.” Tell yourself every day: “Today from 10:00-11:00 AM, and from 5:00-6:00 PM I absolutely refuse to think any negative thoughts! I will be watchful, and won’t allow it to happen!” Then time expand these periods each day. Go for it!
Another strategy is to chose an appropriate affirmation which you repeat as often as you can, morning, noon, night. For example (this is from Yogananda):
“I am sweet, I am kind, I am love, I am sympathy, I am charming and magnetic, I am pleased with all, I wipe away the tears and fears of all, I have no enemy, though some think they are so. I am the friend of all.”
Your old thoughts will come back again and again (that’s normal, don’t worry). They are dark forces, including these: “i internally feel i cant get it, or i am not worth it.” Try to substitute these also when they rush in (thoughts come from the universe) – change your “channel.”
There is a lesson in which Yogananda teaches what to do when one’s partner is unfaithful. Basically he says to make yourself so beautiful, so magnetic, and so loving that the partner will come back. That can be your direction.
If your wife doesn’t come back, take it as a tough but positive opportunity to start life afresh, to re-model yourself as a person. Maybe that kind of fresh start would actually be more difficult within the relationship.
If she, however, does come back, decide to be a different man for her. Be the best you can, with the best and most beautiful thoughts you are able to think.
Swami Kriyananda teaches that together with our affirmations and efforts to change, there should always be an accompanying prayer. So you may pray, “God, I am your child, I will do my best, but I need Your help. Strengthen me in my resolution to change.”
Our prayers are with you!
In divine friendship,
Jayadev
