Is it ok to snoop on someone before starting a relationship for a background check, or even on someone whom we are in a relationship with and have sensed dishonest traits about the other person and not willing to tell the truth? I guess it is ok as long as our intention is not to harm but protect ourselves. Or should we keep praying to God to turn around things for the better and not snoop, as snooping is dishonest and even we won’t feel God if someone snoops on us?
—R, India
Dear R:
You state that your intention is not to harm the other but protect yourself. I suppose that certain types of inquires might be appropriate. Asking the advice of friends and family, for example. Consulting a wise and experienced marriage counselor, for example.
By contrast, hiring a detective would probably go beyond the dharma, except in unusual circumstances.
You are not going to find perfection on someone else if you have not found it within. Only in God can we find the everlasting happiness we chase in outward circumstances.
Marriage can bring surprises, happiness, sadness, betrayal and much more. It is not ours to know the future or our karma. If we think we are going to find the perfect mate we will invariably be disappointed.
So do what you must but do nothing for which you may have to apologize or regret. Offer your common sense actions into faith.
Blessings!
Nayaswami Hriman
