I have stepdaughter with 2 girls. She often wants me to watch them & has 12-hr work shifts. I feel anger & resentment because even my husband expects me to put family first. I don’t want them in my life AT ALL, they’re worldly, but I can’t take them out of my life, so feel hatred and resentment. I need time with spiritual friends, but my husband can’t accept that. As a yogi, how do I handle this for the next many years? Kindness and love have only enabled the situation.
—April, usa
Dear April,
Thanks for you question. As I understand it you married a man with a daughter who has two girls. They are your step grandchildren and you are expected to take care of them while your step daughter works 12 hour shifts. You feel hatred and resentment for this imposition in your life to care for very worldly step grand children.
Let’s start with healthy boundaries in family relationships. You probably didn’t marry your husband to be caretaker of his grandchildren, did you? It’s important to tell your husband first why you married him and to be clear about appropriate expectations in your relationship. Yes, it’s appropriate to be a caretaker once in a while but you obviously didn’t sign on to do it all the time. Be clear with your husband what your priorities are in the relationship and then be clear with your step daughter.
Be kind while sharing your truth and let them know you love them but are not married into the family to care for grand kids 12 hours at a time. They may react angrily. It is important to be firm and kind in sharing what you feel you can contribute to the family and go about living the priorities in your life, including sadhana and satsang. These conversations may require the assistance of a professional counselor.
Now to deal with your feelings of resentment and hatred; How do you transcend those feelings? I suggest you offer them to God and guru to purify in your meditations and whenever you experience them. Offer them to the point between the eyebrows and ask Guruji to assist you in purifying your love for your family. Use the peace and harmony prayer multiple times a day asking Divine Mother to fill all involved with Her peace and harmony, peace and harmony, peace and harmony.
As Nayaswami Jyotish and Nayaswami Devi shared in a recent Touch of Light, “Everything that happens to you is a blessing from the Divine meant for your spiritual evolution.”
May you feel the blessing of this opportunity for spiritual growth!
