I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how being part of a spiritual community changes a person, in both subtle and obvious ways.

I’m in a good position to speak, because after making a fairly radical and much-needed break from my previous life, I’ve been living at Ananda for three wonderful months…

…first as part of Ananda College and Meditation Retreat in the beautiful Sierra Mountains, and then in the Karma Yoga program at Ananda Village, California. It’s been… well, amazing!

Subtle and Obvious Changes

The first thing I realize is how many of the obvious outer changes are prompted by more subtle inner changes.

For instance, I wasn’t a vegetarian before I came to Ananda, but after a few months here I have to say I just feel better when I eat mostly vegetables.

Why?

It’s almost as though I’m more nutritionally in tune, and crave healthier stuff.

A McDonalds hamburger just doesn’t hold much appeal anymore — except on days when I forget to eat lunch, and then wallpaper would sound good!

Another change has been that I’m less emotional — in a good way.

Not like I’ve become a robot or anything, but before I came here I would really get into the ups and downs of life.

My emotions were a rollercoaster — and it was exhausting.

“Shannon’s coming to visit! I’m SO HAPPY!”

“Her trip’s been cancelled? OH NO!”

Daily meditation has a way of smoothing out those gut-wrenching emotions.

For the first time in my life, I feel a steady sense of peace and calmness that doesn’t crumble at the first sign of disappointment.

In fact, I’ve gone through some very challenging tests since I came to Ananda, things that would have totally shaken me before…

…regardless of the outcome, the amazing thing for me was that I actually felt calm and centered while the test was going on.

Facing a Difficult Test

One of the most difficult tests was when I decided about two months ago, being Canadian, to apply for an extension of my visitor visa to the US.

So much was going on in my spiritual life here that I didn’t want to leave!

In about two days I had to:

• put together approximately 50 pages of paperwork
• fill out several complicated forms
• send for and in a few cases help create supporting documents from Stanford and Harvard University, my mom, and Trimurti, the wonderful Karma Yoga Director
• create duplicates of everything and submit the entire package by certified mail

Here’s the hardest part:

Basically, I had to “make a case” for why Homeland Security should let me stay.

Facing Homeland Security

I can sometimes be a little too hesitant to be assertive and stand up for myself even when there is a good reason….

So the prospect of preparing pages on end of documents defending myself in advance made me feel a little sick.

Rather than crawling into bed or starting to despair, though, this time something was different.

I sought inspiration, and just started in.

Amazingly enough, things really seemed to flow!

I started typing, trying to focus on being open and honest with the customs officers, rather than thinking about self-justification and all the worst-case scenarios my mind was fabricating.

In an afternoon I had most of the documents together.

Two days later I put them together and mailed them off!

The Hardest Part

Then came the hardest part. Until I received a response from Homeland Security, I was legally allowed to stay past my visa end date…

— but if they contacted me denying my request, I would have had to leave, most likely immediately.

At this point, I was just starting a 28-day Ananda Yoga Teacher Training program.

(Amazing, by the way!)

I really wanted to get certified.

I really wanted to give my friends in the community some notice of when I was leaving!

I didn’t have nearly enough cash for an emergency plane ticket if my visa got denied.

What to do?

I finally decided to go ahead with trust. It was that or leave almost immediately, and that decision, after  meditation, just didn’t feel right.

So throughout the whole Yoga Teacher Training program I had no idea, at the end of each night, whether the next day would bring a letter that would tell me I had to leave the country immediately, or face deportment and other unsavory consequences.

That was when I really realized how much I’d changed.

Yes, I felt tension.

Yes, I had to work through feelings of uncertainty and fear.

But overall I was able to stay calm, and stay centered and present in the Yoga Teacher Training, day by day.

What a gift.

People Who Support You Unconditionally

Homeland Security never did give me an answer!

And despite my firm intention to make Ananda Village my home, I haven’t yet found the sponsorship or job offer that would allow me to stay for the long term.

So, as I’m leaving on Tuesday for Canada, for an indefinite — but short — sojourn in my native land before returning to Ananda Village, I’m reflecting on what the Ananda community (sangha) means to me.

I have taken discipleship with Paramhansa Yogananda… so one thing it means is that members of Ananda are my spiritual family, with all the support that entails.

And spiritual support within the Ananda community seems to come from a very unusual direction.

People here support you unconditionally.

Not by focusing on your achievements or accomplishments or anything outward. Rather, they support you in how you can live more fully from your highest self, and develop unconditional love.

Here’s an example:

In the Karma Yoga program I’m learning to think of all my actions — but especially things I would have previously called “work” or “accomplishments” — as selfless service without attachment to outcome. This was definitely a challenge at first, but it feels SO freeing.

I don’t have to concentrate on the endless tug-of-war of “will they like me more for doing this?”

I can focus on just doing my best in each circumstance — and afterward, let it go.

It’s feels amazing.

How Spiritual Support Helps Me

So how does spiritual support come into this practice?

Because I’ve noticed that at Ananda, people just don’t tend to talk about the projects they’re doing in a self-promoting way — even if what they are doing is really significant.

This is nice because it creates a trend against doing so — and in turn helps me stick to my karma yoga practice!

Needless to say, this kind of spiritual support is the thing I’m going to miss the most when I leave Ananda Village. In the long run, I believe this feeling of deep support on a soul level is what will bring me back to Ananda.

It is very hard, once you have dedicated your life to finding freedom, to keep true and committed to that path without the support of like-minded people.

Many times I’ve tried “going it on my own” without much success or true progress.

When I came to Ananda I heard Yogananda’s statement that “environment is stronger than willpower” — and having seen the amazing changes in myself after three months in such a supportive and uplifting environment, I have to wholeheartedly agree.

So as I go out from Ananda Village I feel like I’m on a mission — not just to stay joyful, but to stay true and focused on the goal.

At the end of my time here, I want to be able to say with Saint Paul, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.”