I am 49 years old, unmarried. My father abused me mentally and physically since childhood. He never took care of me. He used to say that he has no responsibility towards me. He remains firm on this principle. According to him I am his servant who is only born to serve him. Because of him I had traumas, anxiety attacks, and a nervous breakdown. Now my main question is: why should I keep suffering because of him? While he keeps enjoying himself, even now I suffer from all kinds of things.
—Rajesh Jha, India
Dear Rajesh,
This is a tough one. Of course your father has responsibility toward you. He just doesn’t want to assume it. He naturally should be your loving protector. And of course you are not born to serve him. What an absurd thought.
Your question is valid: why should you continue to suffer because of him? In fact you shouldn’t. The way out of this suffering is inner healing. Any abuse from one’s father has deep consequences. Therefore seeking some valid psychological help is probably a very helpful thing to do.
On a spiritual level, that suffering could be at least partially healed if you establish a relationship with your ever-loving Heavenly Father. Feel Him to be your true Father. Pray to Him, feeling forever loved by Him. Be certain that what has happened to you is never bigger than God’s presence. Also, what has happened is never bigger than what you are able to handle. With Him by your side you will win this battle.
May you find your path to healing. One most important thing is to consciously be a channel of love, which is the opposite quality of abuse. If that loving energy often flows through you to others, gradually it will bring about healing in you. The channel is blessed by what flows through it.
May God bless you, and may you feel His love,
Jayadev
