How Do I Stop an Attraction to Someone at My Workplace?


Namaste, I wish to know what exactly to do when we want to remove attachment to anyone but we don't want to break the relationship ie., so-called cords of attachment. When we say we work with someone in the work place and we get attracted to the nature/work of others, especially females. Initially it's just work-related interactions but later on, it slowly gets transformed to attachment. What exactly is a method to follow so that this does not keep happening?

—hss, India


Namaste HSS,

Our heart has many emotions, attractions, desires. It is like a little child, which sometimes needs to feel free to live certain desires etc., but at other times it needs to be firmly educated and controlled. In your case of attraction, the heart needs to be controlled. Next time control it as soon as you can, as soon as you see the first little signs of attraction arising.

How? Here are some things you can do.

In the evening, focus on that inner feeling of attraction and mentally throw it in a fire. Get it out. Let it burn. Affirm: “I need nobody to be happy, I am happy in myself.”

You can also visualize that attraction as a string which binds your heart to that person. With great decision and will, mentally take a pair of scissors and cut that cord. Affirm: “I am free!”

The next day, when that person is again nearby at your workplace, be kind, don’t break the work relationship but control your heart very attentively. Don’t let that attraction blossom at all. Just don’t allow it. You can if you really want it.

That is the clue: “If you really want it.” The trouble is, sometimes one part of us doesn’t want to control our attraction (this situation is symbolized by Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita when he doesn’t want to fight, saying, “this is my friend, my cousin…”). In this way we sabotage ourselves. If that is your case (“In truth, I don’t really want to stop that attraction”) then you may speak with clear wisdom to that “inner citizen,” as if it were your child. Tell him that such an attraction will only cause you pain, confusion, and will disturb your work too. If that inner voice (or child) still doesn’t want to listen to any such wise advice and persists, then you need to become a tougher parent to yourself, telling him: “Listen! You won’t get it. That’s the end of the story.”

You may think of the great Sri Yukteswar, who tells you from Autobiography of a Yogi: “Roam in the world as a lion of self-control; see that the frogs of weakness don’t kick you around.”

Most people on the planet, I am sure, sometimes experience such a human attraction, which they know is not a beneficial one. Most of them I hope and believe, control themselves and so must you.

In Divine Friendship,