Right Attitude to Help Our Loved Ones


Dear Divine Family,

Thank you for your effort, time and kind love towards others.

My question is:

What is the right spiritual attitude to follow when your loved ones doesn’t seem to do what you have to suggest, seeing them suffer later on, brings so much sadness. Could we have done better, could we have said more, are the feelings that come to us.

Many Many thanks for your time!

—APS, India


Thanks for asking this important question. The love and care we offer to our loved ones must be without condition. It can be hard to watch as someone makes poor decisions. We know that each soul has its’ own ‘lesson plan’ for this life which includes challenges and the opportunity to break old karmic patterns. These lessons, to be learned so well that old karma is indeed balanced and spiritual growth occurs, sometimes require that the individual face the consequences of actions that they take that are not aligned with their highest possible consciousness. Should we force them to act in a way that we feel is the higher path but they do not freely choose, it will not really help them. They may very well repeat the error again until they finally learn from it deeply. This is the essence of free will. We have the free will to choose to walk the path toward light or toward darkness and each of us must learn to exercise this free will for our highest good.

So what can we, who love them, do? We can offer examples of choosing the higher path in how we act and solve problems. We can pray for them, seeing them in the highest possible light and asking for Divine help to come to assist them through this time. We can provide an environment that supports their highest aspirations. It is important that, as we hold them in our consciousness, we visualize them growing, making positive change, discovering their own highest potential. It is important that we avoid any thought in our own mind of anger, condemnation, or somehow needing to ‘control’ them. These attitudes actually come from our ego and not from our soul nature. Such attitudes can provoke further ego reaction from the person we were hoping to help. Our love for them must be soul to soul. When such love is freely given know that their soul is receiving this even if, in the short term, their behavior or words may not reflect this.

Another helpful tool is to offer the situation up to Superconsciousness (Divine guidance) at the end of your meditation. Possibly you might receive intuitive guidance that there is something for you ‘to do’ to help your loved one. In that case it can be good to take action as long as you act from a place of love without attachment or ego reactivity. Watch your own heart carefully as you offer help. Keep it clean of your own negative attitudes and the help is much more likely to be received. In any case we cannot be attached to results from our help. An important lesson for you in this experience is nishkam karma, non-attachment to the fruits of our actions.