It was one of those days (a few months ago)…I was trying to deal with a disappointment about the way I felt I was being treated (whine whine whine), feeling a distinct lack of respect from someone that generally has the ability to push my buttons. Also that day I was fighting off the summer cold that was going around, but doing pretty well, trying to stay positive and keep my energy up by not giving in to the constant temptation to vent my feelings in this regard.
The phone rang…it was them.
Here it was – my golden opportunity to speak my mind, letting them know how disrespected I felt. I kept it in…I kept it in…I kept it in………and then I finally let them have it with all of my frustration.
And in that very moment I felt like all the floodgates of my aura opened themselves wide open, and the negativity washed over my entire body, carrying with it the sickness that I was fighting. The sore throat tingle turned into a full fledged rawness, and I could feel all my energy drain right down to my toes – in that very instant.
The dark side had won, and did not live up to its promise of glory and power! It took me a few days to recover not only from the cold, but also from that negative flow of energy that I had brought into manifestation. I reflected upon the wise words of Sister Gyanamata: “People make too much of feelings”. What she must have been talking about is not the feeling of love, joy, and bliss, but the ego centered feelings stemming from our attachments.
Weeks passed, and I was running late for Sunday Service. Moments before I was to begin leading chanting before the service, I was once again given the opportunity to dwell on negativity from a misunderstanding. As I chanted, I could feel this bubble of protective energy begin to surround me, keeping me safe, and moreover giving me a great presence of joy. THIS is what I wanted to hold onto, but my mind kept trying to remind me of how I really should defend myself and give this person a piece of my mind. I dived deeper with more conviction into the chant, resolutely holding my ground against this constant temptation of negativity.
With luck and much patience, I finally won out, and kept my energy high and whole for the Sunday Service and throughout the day.
I’m finally beginning to understand the danger of negative expression, no matter how good or justifiable it might feel in the moment – it simply isn’t worth the loss of joy, the loss of energy, or the loss of health. Plus the fact that the dark side never ever lives up to its promises.
May you all be strong and courageous in this ongoing struggle to stay always in the light!