I do not know how many times I have taken birth. I also don’t know whether in my previous birth I was in some way associated with Master. But I wish to share here that when the right time comes, God swings his magic wand and drops the ripened fruit of our karma which changes our perception of life.
Since I was born and brought up in a family which was devotional, I had an inclination towards seeking God from childhood. For me worshiping God means to seek his support to face the challenges of life. I remember that from the age of 18 I performed many rituals like Yagna and japa, and visited many places of pilgrimage, but always with the objective of fulfilling some desire. I was struggling to settle down in life with limited resources and the kind of support which a young guy will seek. I totally relied on God to meet my career & professional challenges and for material things to live a comfortable life and to discharge various my social responsibilities and obligations.
God was very kind to me and gave me what I want, more than I deserved. This demand and supply chain was never ending. There is no equilibrium in this economics of life. Many seasons went on like this for almost 27 years. I kept praying, God went on fulfilling. But in my inner self, somehow I knew that I was not progressing spiritually. I wish to mention here that India is very rich spiritually and there are great saints and gurus living or have been in the past. During these 27 years I read many scriptures and read lots about saints and gurus but I was quite confused about who to follow or what to believe. With due respect to each of them my conscience was not allowing me to accept any of them as guru for my spiritual progress. So once again I prayed to God, “please send me a guru with whom I can live my rest of life”. As usual he granted my wish……
Finally the time came where due to my good karma I saw the book, Autobiography of a Yogi lying on a table of my elder brother’s house. As I looked at Master’s photograph I asked my brother, “Who is this? Look at his eyes, so powerful!!!” He told me “Take the book and read it.” I read it and my search for my guru came to an end. I then read many articles & other books written by Master as well as Swamiji’s The New Path and articles of many advanced souls on this path of Ananda Sangha.
I realized that I was not connecting to God. I was lacking in intimacy. I had looked at God as a wish fulfilling object. Where is love? I meditate and meditate and burst into tears. I cried lot. I went to lonely place and begged God please forgive me. I realized that all these years I was worshipping God to fulfill my desire. How mean I was! God, why don’t you deny me? Why didn’t you let me down even once? Many days went by in introspection.
Now Guru is God. I converse with Guru because I know he listens. I see changes in his face according to the feeling I express in front of him. He responds to me in each situation depending upon its merits. For example, I started sharing income for noble causes. He reciprocated by multiplying it and giving it back to me. I stand on express highway, helpless and worried when my car breaks down. He sends mechanic even before I start thinking of calling towing van. I wished him a happy birthday, and he sends sweets (refer my article on blog of feb 11). I love, he loves and cares. Sometimes I fear that I am losing contact with him and then something happens to remind me he is watching. I feel his warmth. I need not demand now, but think of something and he shows me ways to do it. I can relate what had happened & why it had happened. How shallow human relations are. I realized that we should have trust in God, love God, keep the consciousness clean and surrender to him. He knows why, when and what you need. Now I have moved forward spiritually, quickly, in two years after 27 years of moving slow.
As Shri Yukteshwarji said:
The Lord responds to all and works for all. Just as He sent rain at my plea, so He fulfills any sincere desire of the devotee. Seldom do men realize how often God heeds their prayers. He is not partial to a few, but listens to everyone who approaches Him trustingly. His children should ever have implicit faith in the loving-kindness of their Omnipresent Father.