How to Heal Relationships

Our relationships can bring great joy or great suffering into our lives. Either way, they can affect us on physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual levels. We can learn to heal difficult relationships and improve good ones by practicing some of these guidelines:

1) Listen. When communication becomes difficult, don’t shout or argue, but take time to listen to what is troubling the other person. See behind their words to understand their feelings and perspective. Then let them know that you’ve heard them.

2) Forgive and forget. Don’t hold onto past grievances, or use angry words like, “You always . . .” Give both yourself and the other person the space to change and improve. If we lock people in a box of past behaviors, we close off their potential to develop. Someone humorously said, “The secret to our harmonious marriage is that we both have developed poor memories.”

3) Live in inner freedom. Remember that no one belongs to you, and you belong to no one. Enjoy your relationships with a sense of non-attachment, so that your love is given freely without demands, expectations, or a sense of ownership. Friendship is the foundation for all enduring relationships.

4) See the similarities. Every soul is a unique creation, but to build healthy relationships, focus on what you have in common. People, groups, and nations have largely similar needs and desires. Focusing on common ground generates understanding and harmony.

5) Respect the differences. Respect the right of others to have their own opinions and private space. Relationships are much healthier when people feel respected, supported, and encouraged in their interests and enjoyments.

6) Change yourself first. As Gandhiji said, “We must be the change we want to see in the world.” If there is disharmony in your relationship, look honestly at your part in it, and work to change your own attitudes or behaviors. Often, what we criticize in others is merely a projection of what we don’t like in ourselves. If both of you can work at self-correction, problems will begin to fade away. You can prevent many difficulties if you communicate that you are working on self-improvement and ask for support.

7) The real relationship is with God. Develop an inner relationship with God that is meaningful for you. Feel that God has come to you in the form of the people in your life. See and appreciate their highest potential, and express this to them. Try also to feel God’s impersonal love flowing from you to them.

We are all God’s children, and He loves us all unconditionally. Be an open channel for God’s love to everyone you meet.

In divine friendship,
Nayaswami Devi