Recently a friend wrote asking: “How can I help family members who are going through a difficult time, or have a sour relationship with one another, without being affected by the situation personally? How does one know when to intervene and support, and when to be an observer and send support from a distance?”

We have all faced this dilemma in one form or another. With my friend’s permission, I’ll share with you some thoughts that I offered her about the art of helping others while remaining unaffected by their problems.

1) Try to meditate before talking with them. One of the fruits of meditation is the ability to detach yourself from the events around you and maintain a state of inner equilibrium under all circumstances. This is by no means easy, but needs to be cultivated continuously with energy and determination. During your meditation before meeting them, visualize them surrounded by God’s light and love.

2) Accept people as they are, while at the same time relating to their own higher nature. If people feel accepted, it allows them the space to self-correct the behaviors that are causing them unhappiness. While meeting with them, pray and see them resting in their true self—divine love and wisdom. Unconditional acceptance is what God offers all of His children. Try to be a channel of this for others.

3) Don’t give direct advice unless they ask; rather, listen attentively so that they feel open to share with you. Often an open ear is all people are really seeking. You can inwardly ask God to guide them from within themselves. If they do ask for advice, present it in a positive, nonjudgmental way. A beautiful passage from Master in this regard is: “I am the servant ready to serve all needy minds with my simple advice, with my gifts of healing truth, and with my humble wisdom gathered in the shrine of silence.”

4) If you feel yourself getting engaged in negativity, quickly and consciously detach yourself. Be attentive to your own reactions, and inwardly strive to remain centered. Without seeming to withdraw, hold your mind at the spiritual eye. You can also quietly practice regular breathing: inhaling, holding the breath, and exhaling to the same count. Yoganandaji wrote: “When fear or anger or any kind of suffering comes to me, I will view it as a spectator. I will separate myself from my experiences. At all costs I will endeavor to retain my peace and happiness.”

jyotish and devi spiritual counseling advice yogananda teachings

Always send love.

5) Always send love. Don’t withhold this no matter how difficult the situation. Once a friend of ours was working as a doctor in an emergency room. Late one night, the police brought in a drunken, homeless man who had fallen and broken his arm. He was screaming, both with pain and fear, and it took two policemen to hold him down. To their amazement, our friend told the policemen to leave the treatment room—that she could handle him alone. Surrounding him in love, our friend was able to get the man to calm down so that she could set his arm. Afterwards the poor man looked at her beseechingly with eyes filled with years of loneliness and want, and asked, “Will you be my doctor?” He felt her love surrounding him—a feeling he hadn’t known for a long time. Healing can take place on many levels. By expressing love and forgiveness, not only can we help others, but we can remain uplifted as well.

6) Finally, offer them to God for His help. Remember that God is always in charge of guiding every soul to inner freedom. We are all on a journey to find the truth of who and what we really are. Offer a helping hand to others, when you can, but remember that ultimately, true happiness and freedom come when we allow God to guide our life.

I’ll close with these words of Master’s: “I will be a fisher of souls. I will catch the ignorance of others in a net of my wisdom and offer it for transmutation to the God of all gods.”

With loving friendship,

Nayaswami Devi

Listen to Devi as she reads the blog, then expands on it, often adding special behind-the-inspiration stories and answers to common spiritual questions. Subscribe to the podcast or download the audio recording by right-clicking here. Or listen to it here (8:03):


  1. Thank you for those guiding words that get buried in the debris of ‘life’. Many blessings.

  2. Grazie di cuore per questa profonda e commovente condivisione ,che mi ha aperto cuore e mente .
    “L’Amore è la medicina più potente” e non costa niente e abbatte tutte le barriere e le paure .
    immensa gratitudine per il gradito dono dei consigli .
    Anna Maria

    1. Blessings Anna Maria for your beautiful words.

      “Heartfelt thanks for this profound and moving sharing, which opened my heart and mind.
      “Love is the most powerful medicine” and it costs nothing and breaks down all barriers and fears.
      Immense gratitude for the welcome gift of advice.”

  3. I opened this letter right after a phone call from a homeless ,close relative. Thank you God! Thank you for showing us the way. Thank you Devi for sharing!

  4. This came in my inbox at just a perfectly divine time. I am struggling in a relationship in which I am judged harshly for not being the same “religion” my family is. Of course, I will continue to pray and offer this situation for healing to God, while practicing unconditional love for those who condemn me. Thank you for this guidance ! With appreciation and blessings back to you, Bella

  5. This is such an important topic and you covered it beautifully! We are channels of God’s healing power and we don’t have to fix anyone, God is in charge! Thank you!

  6. Yes it is, simply and precise. Thank you Devi

    By the way, I spent a beautiful time last week at Ananda Village and I was blessed with my first Kriya Initiation guided by an Angel on Earth. I also had the support of many others and particularly of Bhaktimarga and her husband who lodged me three nights. Thank you all great souls and be blessed by God and the Masters.
    I am yours, Roberto, from Argentina ( please pray for our country and its nice people )

    1. Hi Roberto,

      I am wishing you many blessings. Congratulations on receiving your first Kriya. I can feel the love and magnetism we share, and I want to let you know I have added your country and its people to my prayers.

      Love much, shankari

  7. What a blessing to read this today, as I hope to guide my mother-in-laws rehab as the family swirls in maya. Thank you.

  8. Thank you, dear soul. It is so very helpful to hear this story and perhaps more importantly the underlying lessons: Especially the reminder that God and Guru are always in chanrge. I will keep this message/blog handy in my practice with clients, friends and all whom I meet. Namaste

  9. What an amazing gift from you to us, the readers:
    ” how can I help best?”
    Your advice is not only wise with love but amazingly beautiful.

    Thank you Nayaswami Devi.

    Many blessings to you

  10. Hello Nayaswami Devi Ji,

    Thank you for the blog! Those are very useful points and guidelines.
    And thank you for sharing Master’s words. Wonderful :-)


  11. So appreciated. Working in a memory-care center and your words are right on point. I agree that so many times folks just need someone to listen. Blessings, Susan

  12. Tearfully beautiful. To be read and heard again and again. Again and again. Pranams.

  13. Beautiful message as always with Divine timing. Love your messages.
    Thanks very much !

  14. Dear Devi, thank you for this beautiful message, it comes in my life at the right time.
    It is a precious gift, every point is full of love and wisdom.
    Always in the awareness to be under the protection of God and Guru.

  15. Beautifully said and sound advice.
    AUM and thank you.
    ~~~Peace, J

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *