Ah, love! Is there any other topic that inspires songs, poems, books and other creative works more than love? Such a “rabbit hole” of a topic, just like in Alice in Wonderland, especially when involving spirituality.
When one asks the question, “What is God?” the answer can rightly be given as, “God is LOVE.” It’s said also that God is infinite, in every atom of creation and that the universe itself is made from Love. Well, no wonder there are so many songs written about it!
Something tells me, however, that you’re not reading this because you’d like to enter into a philosophical discourse on the nature of the universe. Perhaps, though, you’d like a discussion that is a bit more practical. Well, good — because as vast as the topic of love and relationships is, there is a very practical side to them. It may indeed be fun to fantasize about finding your one true love while embarked on a magical quest to slay dragons, but there are pragmatic steps that one can take to manifest a spiritual partner and relationship in the real world.
When I came onto the spiritual path I was a single man in my 20s. I had already been open to finding an ideal life partner but only had a few hard lessons and failed relationships to show for my efforts. I knew, however, that my quest for Self-realization was more important than anything else and that only a partner who shared my spiritual aspirations could satisfy this desire. I began this quest in earnest by asking for some advice.
Finding the One
Advice on finding a mate can typically involve the what-to-look-for variety, but the direction I received has helped me to this day, even in other areas of my life. When I asked my spiritual mentor what to do, she asked, “What do you imagine will be different in your life when this desire is fulfilled?” This question gave me pause. I really had to think about it. I mean… I would live “happily ever after,” right? Finding the right partner was something I had wanted for so long but I realized I had never thought to question the longing in that way.
I began to see the purpose behind that question. I could not have or ask for a different kind of life if I was not willing to take action and make some changes NOW. Another question came logically to me: “So what could you be doing NOW to manifest those things in your life that you are asking for?” I was asking for someone to love – a spiritual partner. I would have someone to love in my life but I needed to do some things differently to bring that about. I quickly realized that there are plenty of people to give love to NOW. Of course, it wouldn’t be exactly the same as the romantic love I sought, but on an impersonal level, I would be practicing channeling God’s love for His children. Isn’t that the highest expression of love anyway?
I wanted a partner who was perfect for me in multiple ways and I understood that I needed to expand and transform myself into an ideal partner for her as well. I set about creating a life for myself that would include, and make room for, all of the benefits I could imagine having once I found my ideal partner. When I felt ready, I trusted that the Divine Mother would introduce me to her.
I did in fact, meet my partner a few years later. I could see then how every “failed” attempt to find her was actually an important step and lesson that made me a better man and better partner for her. When I looked at some of the other challenging areas of my life, I was also able to see the same steps and patterns.
I quickly realized that there was another, deeper truth behind that follow-up question, a profound principle that I was meant to more fully understand: magnetism. Yogananda said that it is the magnet of our heart that attracts true soul friends and we increase our magnetism by the quality and quantity of our energy. I understood that if I was to attract an ideal mate, I had to increase my magnetism.
But how? Just as a paper clip can be made into a magnet by intentional contact with a strong magnet, so can we increase our magnetism by divine contact with God, the source of all energy and power. Deep meditation, chanting, practicing God’s presence, and other spiritual practices all help us increase our spiritual magnetism. The more we can find our center in God, the more we find out who we really are as individual human beings.
Every atom in creation is inextinguishably dowered with individuality. —Paramhansa Yogananda
Yogananda said that every atom of creation is dowered with individuality. We are each unique, yet at our deepest center, we are all the same in our desire to love and be loved. Although our deepest desires for eternal love can only be fulfilled through union with the Divine, it is perfectly dharmic to find a mate for moving toward fulfilling and expressing these divine desires within this lifetime.
Now that I knew HOW to find a companion and felt that I was doing everything I could, short of standing on a busy street corner as a walking sandwich board: SOUL MATE WANTED, it was just a matter of waiting and trusting. This is the part of the process you rarely hear about. Because usually, it’s boring — and hard. It’s a bit like having a craving for cucumbers and planting the garden for them — you’re sure to get cucumbers and they’re sure to be great but you still have to water the garden, be patient, and have faith and trust that Mother Nature will do her job and help you out, before the results.
My Action Steps
So, I waited. I trusted that Divine Mother would guide me in everything and anything else that needed to happen.
- I kept up my daily meditation practices.
- I chanted whenever I could.
- I practiced the presence of God using any technique that inspired me.
- I tuned into the quality of love I wanted to feel for and from my life partner.
- I gave that quality of love to everyone I could in whatever form I could.
For this last one — whether it was a kind gesture, a friendly conversation or even a smile while passing a stranger on the street, I did all that I could to tune into that energy of love first and foremost. I realized that this love was not mine. I did not create it, I was merely acting as a channel for God’s love to share with others around me.
My efforts were not seamless and I did make a bit of a mistake that I think is a common one. I thought that finding “the one” would be an end in itself. I thought that this special person would be perfect for me and somehow “complete” me. I mean, finding the perfect person would, of course, make your whole life happily perfect and all of your troubles would fade away into a sea of romantic bliss! Marriage books were about how to manage all the unending happiness that floods your being with your perfect mate, right? Well, not exactly. That’s a romantic delusion.
In reality — in the world of duality, every fulfillment attracts its opposite. That “dream job” may come with a “nightmare boss,” or that new baby you’ve been waiting for may mean that you lose all of the single friendships you’ve enjoyed and cultivated since middle school. The list goes on, but you get the idea that, in finding your life partner, the principle of duality still applies. Your partner may indeed be beautiful and wonderful yet will also come into your life with their own quirks and idiosyncrasies. They may surely be most loving and serene, but from their forgetting a birthday or something else important you might perceive just the opposite.
How, then, are we to relate to nature’s duality and this longing for a mate? The great ones guide us to strive to be even-minded in the face of loss or gain – as all in this material world is fleeting except God. We can consider, too, that no matter how long we are alive, no matter how long we are with our partner, the day will come when we are back in the astral world reflecting on our lives and all that we’ve learned here. What is it, then, we want to gain – or think we will learn from the experience of having the perfect mate in this lifetime?
That answer will be different for each individual but if we are serious, as well, about our search for God, then the desire for a mate will be a subset of our desire to know and find God. It’s perfectly acceptable to ask God for a mate who will help bring both of you closer to Him in a relationship supporting each other’s spiritual growth and development.
Consider that our desires sometimes go beyond what we actually think we want — like when I say I want a nice cold soda but what I really need is to be hydrated and nourished. When I finally get the soda, it’s only after it’s gone in three gulps and my stomach feels funny for the next hour that I realize that wasn’t what I really craved. On a deeper level, God knows and watches the heart. It’s up to us to trust that what’s really best for us is better left to Him.
We are all on a spiritual path, whether we are simply curious about spiritual teachings and ideologies or sincerely devoted to a particular path, teaching and way of life. If the wish for a spiritual partner and relationship is strong for you, manifesting and fulfilling such desires starts with loving those around you, increasing your magnetism and trusting that everything that comes to you is for your highest good.
We are “dowered with individuality” but when it comes to love, we are all alike in the need to love and be loved. May each day bring you closer to finding your heart’s desire. God Bless you.