Hello! I have an interesting question I’ve been trying to answer for about five years. I used to be very much into meditating, but I had to stop. The reason is, I learned how to go into a state of deep meditation quickly. When I do this, I become aware of all the layers of negative energy and thoughts I have. I feel almost as if I’m the wrong person. Then quite sadly, my mind goes searching for people and places in time I’ve lost. Why does this happen? How can I resolve it?
I won’t comment specifically on what you have experienced, because what I would like to offer to you is to return both to your own “center” and, following that, to the higher purpose of meditation. For, it is both true and possible that “going within” one encounters the kinds of experiences and impulses which you describe. But as you essentially report, it doesn’t take you anywhere useful, spiritually speaking.
Thus it is that meditation has been taught by true spiritual teachers down through the ages and then used by students and disciples for achieving the higher states of consciousness which are the soul’s true nature. If, therefore, you are seeking to achieve the higher purpose(s) of meditation, I would recommend that you seek a spiritual path, teacher, and technique(s) that resonate with your highest spiritual aspirations.
There’s little point in attempting to define meditation or even its goals but some of the most obvious include the negative side, ego transcendence, to the positive side, oneness with God, and everything else in between. True meditation takes place when thoughts have subsided. For most people, well, many, at least, having a positive focal point is necessary to raise one’s consciousness above the more subconscious states associated with the lower energy centers (chakras) in the body.
Devotion to God, guru, or whatever divine states of consciousness (abstract or personal) inspire you is like a rocket launcher to one’s heart and energy — launching up and past the subterranean darkness of our past. But whether your temperament is devotional, mental, or energetic, an “upward” focus (with eyes to the point between the eyebrows, to the heart in self-offering, and to the mind in seeking transcendence) is ultimately the solution. This “solution” presupposes, further, an openness to divine grace as the ultimate power doing the “heavy lifting” towards soul consciousness. This grace is, at first offered to us, by those enlightened teachers (gurus) whose very existence is to uplift and to enlighten. Direct contact with “God” is like trying to call the White House to speak personally with the President — not going to happen!!! Our body and nervous system could not sustain the shock of omnipresence should God “come to us.”
As we are encased in flesh and ego, so we need an intermediary and intermediate steps to purify body, mind, heart, and ego. We need a “friend.”
Seek and ye shall find; knock and the door shall be opened. Chanting, affirmation, mantra, visualization, even yoga postures, can, with right attitude and understanding, help you bypass the detours of karma and subconscious states of mind. “God alone!” Find your true path; attune yourself to God through the guru’s grace, teachings, techniques, and service.