From childhood I carried a deep sadness. Even as a little girl, I knew it came from a past life in which I had experienced the traumatic death of a beloved spouse. It was a kind of “post-traumatic stress syndrome” that spanned more than one incarnation.

Sometimes, when I was a child, the grief was more than I could bear and I would weep uncontrollably. As I grew older, and especially after I got onto the spiritual path, I made progress in resolving it, but much grief remained. I didn’t know what else to do except pray, and accept that the grief might be with me for the rest of my life. I could feel the karma as a knot of energy lodged in my spine just behind my heart.

One evening, after I had been living at Ananda Village for many years, I went with my husband to a community musical event. The concert was a birthday gift for Swamiji. As part of the program, a group played selections from his album Secrets of Love. The music uplifted me and at the same time made me aware of my inner grief. I didn’t want any unhappiness to mar the evening for Swamiji, so I prayed to Divine Mother, “Please don’t let my sadness touch his joy.”

During the intermission, Swamiji came to where my husband and I were sitting with a group of friends. He stood between us, with one hand on my husband’s shoulder, and the other hand on my spine. His fingers were right where the karma was lodged.

I felt a tremendous pressure from his hand and enormous energy going into me. Swamiji didn’t make a point of what he was doing; the whole time he chatted casually with the others. He didn’t, however, speak to me, but let me receive his energy in silence.

A few minutes later, Swamiji took his hand away. The knot of energy was gone, and with it the sadness I had known all my life. Every once in a while since then, a shadow of it has crossed my consciousness, just enough to make me continuously grateful to Swamiji for taking that karma away.

3 Comments

  1. Mary, I understand that lifelong sadness. I am very happy that it was mitigated in you by Kriyananda.

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