“I am strong in myself. I am complete in my Self. The joy and perfection of the universe await discovery within my inner being!”

(from Affirmations for Self-Healing by Swami Kriyananda)

Self Control: Learning to Behave

Personal Reflection by Nayaswami Pushpa

Dear Friend,

Paramhansa Yogananda’s guru, Swami Sri Yukteswar, said that we need to “learn to behave” in thought, word, and deed. Personally, this means to be appropriate in my thoughts and actions as well as civilized in my communications—so, for instance, no hissy fits when things don’t go my way. It is humbling to recognize how many years I had been on the spiritual path before I realized that my behavior left something to be desired!

I remember Swami Kriyananda saying once during my early years with Ananda, “Emotional maturity is spiritual maturity.” That really hit a tender spot because I didn’t consider myself emotionally mature. I had succeeded in getting my way most of my life, but that wasn’t the same thing.

I was a much-loved, and spoiled, only child. I was the center of my parents’ universe. As I grew older and stepped out into the world it was brought to my attention, in so many ways, that I wasn’t the center of everyone else’s universe—big surprise! Throughout my career my quick thinking and wit had brought many accolades, but those attributes didn’t seem to be impressing yogis as much as they had worldly people.

In the Bible, Jesus said that it is not what goes into a man’s mouth that makes him unclean, it is what comes out of it. So I decided to focus on understanding and better controlling the energy I was putting out through my communications, which then led to an improvement in my relationships. It became obvious to me that if I could not consciously direct my outer energy, I would not be able to direct it inward and upward to become Self-realized.

I therefore made the following changes:

1. I started out by moderating how much I spoke in meetings. My goal was to listen twice as much as beforehand and speak half as much.
2. I observed how people I considered wise responded to people and situations.
3. I dropped the sarcasm.
4. I started listening not only with my ears, but also with my heart.
5. I delayed any definitive response until I was sure I had understood what the other person was saying. I tried not to jump to conclusions and, when necessary, asked questions to clarify.
6. If I was reacting to an email, I slept on it before responding. I also read it two or three more times to make sure I hadn’t misread the content or tone. Tone is so easy to misinterpret in written communication. It filters through our own feelings at that moment. If I am reacting to a written communication I sometimes ask a friend to read it out loud. The tone may sound very different.
7. In face-to-face communications, if I wasn’t sure how I felt about what the other person was communicating, or I was reacting inwardly, I would give myself permission to say, “I need to think about that. Let me get back to you.” 
8. I asked myself whether what I was going to say was helpful and kind—and not just something I wanted to get off my chest.
9. I asked myself if it was the right time to say something or whether I should wait. Swami would sometimes wait years to say something to someone, until he felt that they were in a place where they could receive it. Now that takes self-control!

I invite you to choose an aspect of outward self-control to work on in the new year: eating or spending habits, gossiping, wasting time (online and otherwise), sarcasm, judging others, having the last word . . .

May we each shine our inner light brightly to dispel all disharmony in this world.

In divine friendship,

Nayaswami Pushpa for Thank you, God!