Being a classically trained musician, I’ve had a life filled with discipline, “shoulds”, guilt and consequences, which certainly has its plusses and minuses. It’s easy to make myself do things when I know it will be good for me, but sometimes I find myself approaching things without much inspiration, doing them simply because I’m supposed to do them. My inner disciplinarian can be like my old swim coach, who was so fierce that he once pulled me out the water by my hair, or like music teachers and conductors who, with just their eyes and a few words, could wither my self esteem. Sometimes when I sit to meditate without energy or inspiration, I can feel their visages haunting me, ready to pass judgement on my mediocre attempts.
Recently a phrase from the Festival of Light began to percolate deeply in my consciousness: High in the Himalaya, eyes filled with divine love, Jesus appeared to the great master, Babaji.
Hearing this for the five hundredth time, it is finally beginning to sink in to me that our path of kriya yoga began with eyes filled with divine love. What lies behind all creation, ever ready to pervade our own consciousness? Eyes filled with divine love. What lies behind all of what Ananda has to give? Eyes filled with divine love. Could anyone ask for anything more solacing? It is no wonder why it is so important to visualize Master’s eyes, as we truly do become that which we concentrate upon.
I’m realizing that no matter how badly I think I’m doing at meditation, my inner observation gallery is not packed with the hard hearted judgementalists of my past, but is truly filled with the ever loving, ever encouraging presence of the gurus. In fact, they were always there – all I have to do is increase my receptivity.
As you may know, Swami Kriyananda has recorded 108 video commentaries on the Bhagavad Gita. He did these in the Crystal Hermitage recording studio, and Dave Bingham, the videographer, told me that from the first day that he could feel Swami channeling the Infinite as he poured out his energy to all who will be watching.
On the second day of recording, I was able to stay and watch for an hour, and can attest to the power that came through him. It was a bit crowded down there, and from my seat, not in the recording room itself but from the control booth behind, I was able to just see Swamiji’s eyes, as the video camera was blocking much of his face from my view. But oh, the eyes. Eyes filled with divine love.
Swami remarked recently that when choosing pictures, “anyone can smile. Look for the eyes! What do they express?” When I look at those who have been with Ananda for years, attuning themselves to God and Guru, I see the living presence of this divine love, not mystically hidden in the Himalayas, but right here, surrounding me. For this, I am eternally grateful.