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Venu
India

Question

I have attracted several relationships one after the other (around 6), in which I have ended up getting hurt.

Some were brief hurts while others were very deep. Few were good guys but most of them just wanted to have fun. Yoganandji says that what we suffer today are a result of our past bad karmas and we can improve our future by mitigating karma now.

How do I know what bad karma I had done? Unless I know where I went wrong, how can I improve my karma on this front?

Tyagi Jayadev

Tyagi Jayadev

Ananda Assisi, Italy

Answer

Dear Venu,

Your first karma to improve might be: awareness of people. Before entering into anything serious, find out what is behind the nice words of a man. If you sense that in truth he only wants fun, leave him alone. Don’t enter into anything physical for a long time. Tell him, “I am a nun,” and if he loses interest in you, then he doesn’t love you.

August 13
2013

Rohini Biswas
India

Question

Please help!

I had been in a relationship with a man who is a very powerful negative magnet. He keeps talking very very dirty and does that with multiple women at the same time. I didn’t understand initially as he pretended to be decent, but after I came to know it took some time for me to break off.

I had a pure mind and consciousness before this, but though I have broken off, I keep having dirty fantasies now which lowers my mood. His company has corrupted my mind.

Please help to get out of it.

Nayaswami Diksha

Nayaswami Diksha

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Rohini,

Here are a few suggestions to help you uplift and cleanse your consciousness:

1. Daily, set time for your spiritual practices-sadhana. Read the scriptures, practice yoga and meditation. Practice affirmations and Japa, and think of God as much as you can during the day. After meditation, try to consciously emanate peaceful vibrations outward from your heart to your environment. Remember: Where the light is, darkness cannot enter.

August 8
2013

Suman Banrjee
India

Question

Is being diplomatic and tactful better than being straightforward? My mother often scolds me for being straightforward, as I can’t be dishonest and pretend to smile or love someone when I am actually angry with them. Don’t you think that is dishonest?

But I cool down fast and be normal.

Is that likely to create problems with my future husband and in-laws as my mother says? How do I become more gentle and at the same time not submit to wrongs? I have lost few men in the past because of being straightforward.

Puru (Joseph) Selbie

Puru (Joseph) Selbie

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Suman,

This is an excellent question and I can think of no more excellent answer than to quote Sri Yukteswar (guru of Paramhansa Yogananda):

“Straightforwardness without civility is like a surgeon’s knife, effective but unpleasant. Candor with courtesy is helpful and admirable.”

July 31
2013

Hinu
India

Question

I got married six months back and post marriage I have discovered (from a third source which is confirmed) that my husband who is 40 had broken several hearts before marriage and had multiple flings. Alcohol is a part of his family culture. He felt good when hearts were broken by him as that supposedly upped his attraction quotient. My husband still doesn’t know that I have discovered all this. So far he has been good to me but I’m disgusted. Am I building my home on tears? What must I do now?

Nayaswami Diksha

Nayaswami Diksha

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Hinu,

Since your husband has been good to you so far, continue to love him and be very kind to him. Help him to reform himself through your love and respect.

Paramhansa Yogananda gave an affirmation to be used after your daily meditation:

"Father, keep me and my husband perfectly united in body, mind and soul, and in ever-increasing happiness by Thy perfect law."

July 30
2013

Ajay Diwanji
India

Question

Should we continue our friendship with people who have treated us badly for whatever reasons and betrayed our trust? At times it is said that we should continue to be friends so that we get a chance to show them the right path. If we break off all ties, we lose that chance. How true is it?

Puru (Joseph) Selbie

Puru (Joseph) Selbie

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Ajay,

There are thousands of stories told by people who “died,” had a deeply moving experience of an after life, and then returned to tell us about it. In a great number of these stories the people describe having been given a “life review,” during which all of their life’s experiences pass before them. During the life review, all of their life’s experiences were considered in the light of only one, one, all important, question: “Did you learn to love?”

July 30
2013

Sandra
India

Question

All religious texts preach refraining from getting physical before marriage? If the couples are truly in love what is the harm in having sex?

Nayaswami Hriman

Nayaswami Hriman

Ananda Seattle

Answer

Sandra, yours is a good, if frequently asked, question. I won’t attempt to respond from the view point of “all religious texts,” in part because I represent the yogic tradition and in its more relied upon texts from ancient times (Bhagavad Gita and Yoga Sutras, e.g.) these “religious texts” don’t bother to mention the question!

Rakesh
UK

Question

Do we incur negative karma even if we hurt someone unintentionally? A woman whom I broke up with has landed with a mental breakdown. She is almost destroyed out of pain. Will I have to face the consequences for this?

Nayaswami Gyandev

Nayaswami Gyandev

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Rakesh,

Any action — helpful, hurtful, or neutral — that comes from a place of ego-consciousness will result in karma. Even accidentally stepping on an insect as we cross the street carries a karmic consequence, though not a large one.

But the real question here is not about karma. It is, Were you doing the best you could? If you were, then you simply need to get on with your life, come what may. And if you were not doing the best you could, then it’s a lesson to do better in the future.

Karishma
India

Question

A 75 year old man who is our old family friend has tried to initiate dirty conversation with me. I am 28.He has been known to be a loose man in his youth, but is sad and lonely now as no one loves him.

I ignore him since he has tried to act dirty with me to punish him. But is there any way to deal with such men which would help them to turn into good human beings?

Nayaswami Hriman

Nayaswami Hriman

Ananda Seattle

Answer

Dear Karishma,

It is unclear from your note whether this issue is being repeated in relation to other men or just your family’s friend, but, perhaps either way, I would keep your distance.

It is better not to assume any personal responsibility for changing him in this issue inasmuch as, from his point of view, you are stimulating his desires and fantasies. Let God, karma or someone else deal with his karma, but you are perhaps the last one who should even attempt to do so. You risk, in fact, being affected by negativity which does not require any sexual contact but is an imposition upon your consciousness of a lower and crude sort. Avoid such people and circumstances like you would an infectious disease.

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