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September 19
2013

Sana
India

Question

Hi! Could you please explain what the dictum in the April 25th of “Living Wisely Living Well” means? It says in the principle of magnetic interchange, never think of uplifting others merely by exercise of goodwill. But we have always heard from our childhood that love can change everything and everybody.

Nayaswami Dharmadas

Nayaswami Dharmadas

Ananda Village

Answer

Swamiji gives the key to the answer in the reading itself:

A principle of magnetic interchange between people is that the stronger magnet always influences the weaker, never the reverse. Unless your inner strength is great, never think yourself capable of uplifting others merely by the exercise of good will.

Essentially Swamiji is saying that merely sending out good vibrations is not enough to uplift someone else unless you are very strong inside. Otherwise your effort is more like wishful thinking. But to send out love toward all is a wonderful thing.

These two are not mutually exclusive. Swamiji is making that point — as you can see from the readings the day before and after the one above — that it is well to be cautious in situations that involve especially direct personal contact with people of very different and/or potentially negative magnetism. The reverse is true too — that contact with a saint or master can be extraordinarily uplifting. That is the origin of the saying in the scriptures: "Even a moment in the company of a saint will be your raft over the ocean of delusion!"

Rusha Verma
India

Question

I had asked you this question a while back

http://www.ananda.org/ask/women-and-financial-independence/

In response, you have written a woman should make herself useful and interesting to her husband? What are the ways to make herself interesting and useful? An exceptionally beautiful woman can always keep her husband in control.Is it advisable to spend a lot on beauty treatments? I have seen many men respond that way.

Nayaswami Diksha

Nayaswami Diksha

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Rusha,

Here’s how I interpret Yogananda’s words “make yourself useful and interesting”: Find inner meaning in your life, and fulfill yourself, so when you are with your husband, you are not needy. Be kind, nurturing, and caring toward him. Try to share some of his interests, so your relationship will have common ground.

September 9
2013

Suman Banrjee
India

Question

Hi! What is the way to choose a right life partner? Are our life partners pre-destined from our karma of previous incarnations? Yoganandji emphasizes a lot on not getting carried away by attraction. While that is true, is it wise to go ahead with a marriage where there is absolutely no chemistry and only because the guy has less vices (adultery, ill-temper etc). How important should be financial position of the guy?

Nayaswami Parvati

Nayaswami Parvati

Ananda Village

Answer

Since you live in India I would imagine that your question is a little more involved with the opinions of others than it would be in the United States.

If it is your choice, the best way to choose a life partner is to begin developing a deeper spiritual life through daily meditation, service, and God remembrance. In this way you can begin increasing your spiritual energy and magnetism. It is through your own magnetism that you can attract to yourself others with a similar magnetism. Using this spiritual magnetism is much more important than past karma in determining who is a good partner.

Nicole Smith
US

Question

Hello,

What are your thoughts on bringing up an ex-wife or past relationships in passive conversation into current relationships? This person also has a young daughter with his ex. Personally, I don’t see any use for it. The past is the past. Why bring it up in current dating situations? Too make a long story short, our short-lived dating relationship ended due to him taking about his ex-wife and me questioning if his feelings for her were completely over.

Kristy Fassler-Hecht

Kristy Fassler-Hecht

Ananda Maine

Answer

Dear Nicole,

Your question regarding bringing up past love relationships while dating has many nuances. As you don’t share the context in which the past wife was mentioned, it’s difficult to discern how appropriate it was or wasn’t to mention her.

I suggest you review in your mind the occasions your date brought up his past wife and feel what his intention was behind the words. What was the energy behind his voice communicating? Was he trying to convey a message to you about what worked or didn’t work in the relationship? Was he living in the past or trying to help you understand something about how his past impacted the present? Perhaps you perceived correctly that he simply wasn’t over her and needed to work on closure before dating someone new. Perhaps all these feelings and/or others were part of the reason he shared about his past wife. Certainly when a child is in the picture the relationship continues beyond the end of a marriage.

Rusha Verma
India

Question

What was Yoganand’s take on the financial independence of women? Is it necessary for her to be financially independent after marriage to earn the respect of her husband?

Also I heard somewhere that stealing is better than being lazy. Isn’t it true that incurring no karma is better than incurring negative karma?

Thanks and regards

Nayaswami Diksha

Nayaswami Diksha

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Rusha,

To my knowledge, Yogananda didn’t write specifically about financial independence of married women. He did write that a woman should not marry a man because of his money, because marriage for money never lasts. In his book: Spiritual Relationships, He suggested a plan of behavior for the wife and the husband for a successful marriage. One of the things he mentioned for the wife is that she should make herself more and more useful and interesting to her husband.

Venu
India

Question

I have attracted several relationships one after the other (around 6), in which I have ended up getting hurt.

Some were brief hurts while others were very deep. Few were good guys but most of them just wanted to have fun. Yoganandji says that what we suffer today are a result of our past bad karmas and we can improve our future by mitigating karma now.

How do I know what bad karma I had done? Unless I know where I went wrong, how can I improve my karma on this front?

Tyagi Jayadev

Tyagi Jayadev

Ananda Assisi, Italy

Answer

Dear Venu,

Your first karma to improve might be: awareness of people. Before entering into anything serious, find out what is behind the nice words of a man. If you sense that in truth he only wants fun, leave him alone. Don’t enter into anything physical for a long time. Tell him, “I am a nun,” and if he loses interest in you, then he doesn’t love you.

August 13
2013

Rohini Biswas
India

Question

Please help!

I had been in a relationship with a man who is a very powerful negative magnet. He keeps talking very very dirty and does that with multiple women at the same time. I didn’t understand initially as he pretended to be decent, but after I came to know it took some time for me to break off.

I had a pure mind and consciousness before this, but though I have broken off, I keep having dirty fantasies now which lowers my mood. His company has corrupted my mind.

Please help to get out of it.

Nayaswami Diksha

Nayaswami Diksha

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Rohini,

Here are a few suggestions to help you uplift and cleanse your consciousness:

1. Daily, set time for your spiritual practices-sadhana. Read the scriptures, practice yoga and meditation. Practice affirmations and Japa, and think of God as much as you can during the day. After meditation, try to consciously emanate peaceful vibrations outward from your heart to your environment. Remember: Where the light is, darkness cannot enter.

August 8
2013

Suman Banrjee
India

Question

Is being diplomatic and tactful better than being straightforward? My mother often scolds me for being straightforward, as I can’t be dishonest and pretend to smile or love someone when I am actually angry with them. Don’t you think that is dishonest?

But I cool down fast and be normal.

Is that likely to create problems with my future husband and in-laws as my mother says? How do I become more gentle and at the same time not submit to wrongs? I have lost few men in the past because of being straightforward.

Puru (Joseph) Selbie

Puru (Joseph) Selbie

Ananda Village

Answer

Dear Suman,

This is an excellent question and I can think of no more excellent answer than to quote Sri Yukteswar (guru of Paramhansa Yogananda):

“Straightforwardness without civility is like a surgeon’s knife, effective but unpleasant. Candor with courtesy is helpful and admirable.”

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