How Can I Get the Love I Seek?


Please help me with this. I have gone through millions of spiritual texts, listened to millions of spiritual speakers and done so much of research on scientific and psychological studies. I cannot find this answer. If you desire a person to be in your life, can we manifest that desire? I cannot seem to free myself from this desire and don't know if it's meant to be. Are things destined or do we create our reality?

—Prachi, India


Dear Prachi,

The universe and all within it are the product of consciousness and conscious intention. In each of us that consciousness has been imprisoned and limited to the perceptions and demands of our senses, reason, and the self-interest of the ego and its servant, the body. Until we achieve Self-mastery, the power of our magnetism is not fully realized. At the same time, others have their own magnetism and consciousness. As we have been given a measure of choice, we must respect that power of choice in others. If we force our will upon another person, even if seemingly out of love (or at least desire and attraction), we will destroy the very object we seek. This is because we attempt to destroy in that person the greatest gift and only reality there is: consciousness, self-awareness, and choice. To do this is spiritually wrong. Paramhansa Yogananda taught that the “thwarting cross-currents of ego” defer and dull the keen edge of the manifestation and realization of desires and the consequences of actions (karma). Thus often the fulfillment of our desires is postponed.

Ironically, the key to magnetism is non-attachment! With non-attachment to our desires and to the demands of the body and ego, and by redirecting our attention to the Lord in devotion and attunement of our will to the divine will, we rise spiritually. We find that, along with our soul’s awakening, the power of our magnetism increases. We are warned, however, not to use these powers to satisfy the ego. Such are the temptations on the path to Self-realization. But they are temptations and thus thwart and defer our upward progress to moksha, liberation of the soul from the confinement of the three bodies (causal, astral, physical).

By willpower alone, yes, you can use mantras, rituals, affirmations, and concentrating the mind on visualization to draw to yourself the desired goal. But as the stories of the grant of three wishes warns us, “Be careful what you wish for!” It’s one thing to magnetize an automobile or a job, but the love of another person is far more complex — for it involves, as I said above, the free will and free response of that person’s heart. A job is less conscious than a person. A person’s reciprocating love is far more subtle than just being in their presence.

I would urge you to redirect your attention to devotion to God and guru; to serving selflessly your family, your job, your education, your health, and your community. Desire invests an imaginary halo of perfection around the object of its attention. Human love is selfish until all vestige of desire is transformed into respect, mutual service, and high ideals.

Your dilemma is the oldest impulse in human history, so there’s nothing wrong with it. But the more intense the desire, the greater the fall, the disillusionment, and the heartbreak. Give your heart to God and goodness, and serve God through others. By the magnetism of your aspiration, God will see to it that all your needs are taken care of. As Jesus Christ put it, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things (that are needful and appropriate) will be added unto you.” Be of good cheer, for this world is not ours but His. Play your part joyfully and without attachment, and you will know a satisfaction and a love greater than any other.

Blessings and joy to you!
Nayaswami Hriman