Getting Over a Past Relationship


It has been three years that I broke off with my lover, but the pain is still there. We had broken of on a bad note. Recently, I was told I might have had past life connection with him. That is why I am suffering so much and if I don’t work out on this issue, I will be hurt again in the future incarnation. Is there any way to turn the wrong connection of the past into right connecetion?

—Anita, India


Hello Anita,

I’m sorry to hear that you’re still in pain over that past relationship. Significant relationships touch us deeply, and those touches can linger.

You said that you might have had a past life connection with him. Well, I can all but guarantee you that you did have a past life connection with him. The people with whom we connect in significant ways rarely if ever drop spontaneously into the continuum of all our lives. They work their way in, deeper and deeper, over the course of a number of lifetimes.

Although it’s natural for there to be pain when such a relationship ends, there’s no reason to let that pain still be there three years later. It’s time to get on with your life.

I suspect that your current life is not filling you, which gives you time and energy to focus on the pain from the past. Otherwise, that pain would be minimal, or forgotten entirely. So the first thing to do is to fill your life, to get busy with uplifting activities that get you out of yourself. Community service is one excellent way. Even just serving the people who are already in your life can help. Creative projects are another excellent way to heal and move on. Get your energy moving!

Get it moving inwardly as well as outwardly: find a sense of completeness within yourself. You do not need anyone in order to be complete. You are already complete, and you are not experiencing that, then it’s time to connect with that completeness. There’s no better way than meditation—in fact, there’s no other way at all. I strongly urge you to take it up, and practice regularly. Since you live in India, I suggest that you learn via one of Ananda’s teaching centers or meditation groups in India ( You can begin online as well at

The third thing is to share this pain with God. Have you been doing that? Talk to Him/Her about it. God knows already, but we often need to share these things more. Not in a whining way, just an honest sharing and a plea for help in getting on with your life. Your connection with God is more intimate, more fulfilling—and certainly longer lasting—than any human connection you will ever experience. Cultivate that divine connection.

I know how hard a broken relationship can be, but what’s over is over. Now it’s time to get your life moving forward. Stop looking back at what was, or might have been had you acted differently. God clearly has something else in mind for you now, right in front of you. As long as you’re looking back, you won’t see what that is. Give God an opening to help you take your next step, to get beyond the past, and feel fulfillment in your life.

You have the openness and sincerity to ask your question on this forum, so I am confident that you can do it.

Blessings on your journey,