I have meditated off and on for over 53 years. My efforts have been, shall we say, not so fruitful. Lately, I have given a more heartfelt effort. Now it seems the floodgates of my karma have opened wide. What, if anything, can be done to keep me from letting the "world" win? I have been an Ananda member, I use the term loosely, since 1979; after reading Swamiji’s The Path. I really don’t feel like a disciple of Master.
—Garry Jenness, United States
Thank you, Gary, for your question.
When you say you don’t feel like a disciple of Master, is that because you don’t feel he’s your Guru or that you are coming up short as a disciple because you do not have a steady practice? If it is the latter, now would be the time to relinquish that notion. The Guru is with us to help lead us to freedom, not to judge us. We have not come up short in His eyes. We are simply, as you say, working through our unique karma. Because meditation helps us to transcend karma, it makes sense that you are keenly aware of it and that it is sometimes intense. I would suggest the following:
When you say you don’t feel like a disciple of Master, is that because you don’t feel he’s your Guru or that you are coming up short as a disciple because you do not have a steady practice? If it is the latter, now would be the time to relinquish that notion. The Guru is with us to help lead us to freedom, not to judge us. We have not come up short in His eyes. We are simply, as you say, working through our unique karma. Because meditation helps us to transcend karma, it makes sense that you are keenly aware of it and that it is sometimes intense. I would suggest the following:
Pray to Yogananda, or a Master of your choosing, and ask specifically for help in this regard. Ask that they help you so that you are the winner, not the world.
Surround yourself with people and things that inspire you spiritually and give you hope. There is so much online now through Ananda that is uplifting and spiritually supportive. Uplifting and inspiring music would be of great comfort and inspiration. Again, Ananda has much that is easily accessible, through Crystal Clarity Publishers and Radio Ananda.
Try to be grateful for all that comes to you, whether you perceive it as good or bad karma. The spiritual path does not come without tests and these tests help to refine and purify our perception and propel us forward. At this stage of your life especially, karma helps us to fix our attention single-pointedly on God Alone.
Perhaps a visit/retreat at Ananda Village would be just the thing.
I wish you well and am certain that your prayers will be answered.
Joy to you,
nayaswami maria
