it seems that the more good things happen through my consciousness, the more tendency there is to be proud. this is not easy to admit, but i'm noticing that it kind of happens without my even permitting it. i've heard the sayings like, "pride goes before a fall." and i want to at all costs be rid of this delusive baggage, yet it still comes up whenever i start to accel in my perceptions or "stand out from the pack" in daily life. what do you feel about this?
This sort of thing can indeed happen, and it’s good you’re noticing it. In fact, your question itself may contain an important clue: “good things happen through my consciousness”. It seems you’re thinking that you are, in some way, responsible for what is taking place, so of course pride will arise from things well done “by you”. And yes, pride does indeed go before a fall.
If, on the other hand, you cultivate the attitude that “tells it like it is”—that God is the Doer, working through you, yes, but not dependent on your abilities in any way—then when good things happen, your response can hardly be anything other than to feel gratitude and humility. No room for pride there. Instead it will feel like you’re “going along for the ride” rather than “making it all happen”. Doing your part, to be sure, but not responsible for very much in the final analysis. It’s a big difference—and a big relief!
Consider this from Swami Kriyananda’s book, Affirmations for Self-Healing:
Humility is not self-deprecation; it is self- forgetfulness! It is knowing that God alone is the Doer. It is the realization that nothing in this shadow-world of appearances is all that important, except as it draws us closer to the Lord.
Never tell yourself that you are sinful, or weak, or incompetent, or lazy, except as such a statement may help you to surrender joyfully to God’s power. Then live by that power! Never wear the mask of false humility. Humility is self-acceptance, and self-honesty. You have a right to all power if you seek it in Infinity, and if you never hold the thought that it resides in your little self.
I live by Thy power, Lord. What I have is ever Thine—ever Thine!
Thou art the Doer, Lord, not I. Express Thy perfection through me, as I strive ever eagerly to live in Thy light!