I had numerous childhood trauma. When I meditate, I feel a big hole in my chest. My breast is heavy and tingling. I feel a lot of icy waves and I feel very cold.
I’m so sorry that you have had these traumas in your early life and that you are carrying them into later life. You will have to release them. It sounds as though you are ready to do this and are trying through meditation.
When meditating do not concentrate on any problems but concentrate on devotion steming from your heart chakra. There are many guided visualizations to use to help focus on devotion in the heart. Turn that big hole into a big heart with warm waves flowing through it. One wonderful book to use is Affirmations for Self-Healing by Swami Kriyananda. Also while meditating listen as you are starting to meditate to Metaphysical Meditations CD by Swamiji.
Paramhansa Yogananda used to say that chanting is half the battle. If you do not have a harmonium nor chant, listen to the many chant CDs that Ananda has and chant along with them. Chanting a phrase over and over brings you into a calm and devotional state of consciousness. From there you can meditate on opening your heart and send this love out to all.
With this broader consciousness you can change all that plagues you, by being more loving and positive.
Bless you so much, Seva