I had a big teary episode this morning after meditation where the thought of Ma and Gurudev abandoning me crossed my mind. I cried and cried. I know that our studies say that God is with us, as us, but the idea still broke me down, and now I am scared. I can’t imagine life without the solace of the idea of a higher truth, and if God were to “let me go” due to some karma or my own folly, what would I do? How does one stay unattached with their love for God whilst being brave? :(
I can’t imagine a better reason for crying than thinking of God even in the way you have done. I also can’t imagine that God would ever leave you. He, according to my guru, Paramhansa Yogananda, only wants your love. It seems that in your attachment to Him, you are showing that you have great love for Him.
And I can’t imagine for a moment that God will ever leave you. He can’t for you are a part of Him. It’s only our upbringing, our karma, our habits, our desires, our egos, that make us feel separate. He is just waiting for us to realize who and what we are — the wave on the ocean of bliss. We need to calm the wave. We need to give to Him all our fears, our shames, our transgressions so that we can see Him in everything.
Joy to you, Seva