Forgiveness and Grief


My husband of 34 years passed away suddenly in the arms of his woman, has been hiding to me for years.

Im still suffering from his loss and betrayal to me and my daughter. How can we overcome his death and betrayal? I forgive him before his burial but still the pain in still there. Please help us. Thank you

—Encarnacion, United States


Dear Encarnacion,

My heart goes out to you!

Human love is ever a compromise compared to the unconditional, eternal love of God. This is a hard, hard lesson, for our hearts are made for love. “Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee.”

Sit to pray and meditate; calm yourself.

Take the pain you feel and hold it in your heart, with your hands, turned upward, and cupped at your heart.

Feel your hurt calmly and without judgment. Do not deny it. Do not immerse yourself in it. Just be totally present with it.

Now, when you are ready, inhale and lift this hurt, like a crushed flower, upward, raising your hands to God to give back to God this hurt. Ask God to receive this hurt, like a gift: it’s what you have to offer, humble though it may be.

Then sit in silence; be still; banish all thoughts and rest in the peace of God’s presence in your heart.

At the conclusion of meditation, recount calmly the many, many aspects of your life and yes, even your marriage, for which you ARE grateful. No one can take that away. The love you gave, feel that you gave it freely, and even now, give it freely. Like God’s love, feel your love has no conditions, no expectations. Love is its own reward.

Every day be grateful for your life and for everyone who has played a part in it. For God, indeed, has played all the parts. Comedy, tragedy: all of the parts are but God alone.

Understand that your husband succumbed to a weakness. All of us are weak at times or in regards to certain attitudes and temptations. If you can understand that and forgive him: good. If not, give this, too, to God. God can forgive him.

You cannot change the past but you can live in the eternal present. You can live in God’s presence, which IS love; which IS calm acceptance and joy. Every day, if you can, pray for your husband for his betrayal he will feel more pain even than you. Hard to believe, perhaps, but it is true.

You must be a strong person to receive this test and trial. Perhaps someday you will view this as God’s gift, making you strong and clear: one who loves for the sake of God’s love alone.

May the peace of God lighten your heart,

Nayaswami Hriman