Dealing with Offensive Behavior


A 75 year old man who is our old family friend has tried to initiate dirty conversation with me. I am 28.He has been known to be a loose man in his youth, but is sad and lonely now as no one loves him.

I ignore him since he has tried to act dirty with me to punish him. But is there any way to deal with such men which would help them to turn into good human beings?

—Karishma, India


Dear Karishma,

It is unclear from your note whether this issue is being repeated in relation to other men or just your family’s friend, but, perhaps either way, I would keep your distance.

It is better not to assume any personal responsibility for changing him in this issue inasmuch as, from his point of view, you are stimulating his desires and fantasies. Let God, karma or someone else deal with his karma, but you are perhaps the last one who should even attempt to do so. You risk, in fact, being affected by negativity which does not require any sexual contact but is an imposition upon your consciousness of a lower and crude sort. Avoid such people and circumstances like you would an infectious disease.

You have a right and indeed, to your soul, a duty to not accept such behavior. If defending yourself means being rude, abrupt, or scolding him, then do so and do not hesitate. (Sometimes in disciplining another person we have to appear “angry” but we don’t really have to be angry if we are morally expressing righteousness.)

I am not speaking here of criminal or illegal behavior: that’s another subject all together! Although I don’t know your family, I would suggest that you discuss your discomfort with your family and you may all agree that you or the “head of the house” should make it clear to him that he is either unwelcome in your home or, at best, would be allowed there if he behaves appropriately. I would hope your family would support you in not wanting that in your home — from anyone!

If for any reason, it is not possible to exclude his presence from the home, at least make sure you do not remain in the room with him alone. Or, barring that, you should “give him a piece of your mind” should he ever attempt that again. If, in self-defense you must “let him have it,” then do so. Do not allow this behavior! It is an insult to your soul and to his soul, as well. You will do him a favor if he is confronted with what is wrong behavior!

So, please, for your own peace of mind, do not take on the burden of changing this man, or, in fact, any man who behaves in this way toward you.

Sincerely and with blessings of God and the Masters,

Nayaswami Hriman