How to know if a marriage is right

Question

Iam really not sure this is the right place to ask this, but i feel what ever the ans i get form here, will be from divine inspiration.. Iam in love with a girl who is a Dr. from very poor family, diffrent cast, father is a alchoholic. these factors are causing my family not to accept that girl (even her parents). i have helped her in studies. iam in total confusion what should i do now, i seek divine guidence, pls let me know how can i get the ansers from gurus,divine beings, will they guide me

—Manohar.R, India

Answer

Dear Manohar,

I can appreciate your dilemma, a common one, not only in India but throughout the world and over time. Approval by one’s family is an important support and safeguard for a newly married couple.

At this great distance, not knowing you or the woman you love, it is more difficult to be helpful. I would be curious how long you and she have known each other; whether your families have known each other at all or for a long time. Under the burden of the disapproval of both families, the longer your friendship and experience of each other and your love for each other, the more likely opposition from family can be overcome, in time, at least.

Being “in love” is no guarantee of a compatible marriage. It is customary in India, is it not, to consult an astrologer or other “intuitive” to help determine compatibility?

Have you considered the consequences of your marriage, such as where you would live and how you would support yourselves? Is there a spiritual component to your relationship? What qualities, habits, and attitudes do you share together? Which are perhaps opposite? Which are of a soul nature and which are ego or subconscious?

It is commonly said that “all is fair in love (and war!).” What this means, in part, is that one cannot dictate the feelings of the heart. Reason is of little use, though it should not be ignored. I would encourage you to make sure you have gotten to know each other well enough before entering into marriage in the face of family opposition. You will likely have a greater burden to face without the support of your families. What do your friends say, both yours, and hers? Do others whom you respect support your desire to marry her?

Lastly, have you meditated and prayed over this question? You should do so each day. I do not know if you and she are in the same city and how often you see each other, but a time of separation, of not seeing each other, maybe be helpful to find the inner guidance and clarity that you are seeking. A month would be good, coupled with daily prayer and meditation.

Blessings to you,
Hriman