Hurt Feelings


When someone wrongs us obviously but doesn’t realize, and w feel hurt, what is the best way to make the person realize his or her mistake?

—Simran Joshi, India


Dear Joshi,

This is an interesting question because it can be looked at from many angles. Swami has often said that it is best to wait to talk to someone about their unknowing hurtful actions until it is the right time to do so. In fact, he has waited sometimes for many years to give advice. If you confront someone right away when they are unprepared, they will not hear with their inner being what is being said nor how to incorporated it into a reality for themselves. Unless they understand in a deep way what the problem is, they won’t be able to change. And you will have developed an enemy.

Another thought here is that your hurt feelings need to dealt with by meditation and intuitive understanding. Since I don’t know the extent of the hurt given, I can only go by a general hurt feeling. What is causing your hurt? Is it really what that person has done to you or is it something inside your self that you need to look at? In most cases I’ve found that there is a negativity or habit within my own self that has drawn that feeling to me, which keeps me in a negative state. I find I need to spiritualize my feelings and open myself to a higher flow of divine energy and light, which will help me dissipate negative emotions. By having more energy and being in the light one can see more clearly what is really happening. You can understand why that person acted in that particular way and you can help that person by praying for them, giving them kindness and yes, love.

They and you are children of God. No matter how we act, God loves us and wants us to merge back in Him. He will wait. But you can act by giving His love to everyone, even those with bad qualities and bad habits. When you know God’s love, what can hurt you?

Joy to you, Seva