I may have cancer (had a positive test). My husband is devastated and I adore his love for me. But I sort of feel like I don’t want to "fight" it. I’m young to die, but I have spent most of my life desiring only God and pursuing him constantly (I’m a kriyaban). I have not desired this world, but have not reached nirvikalpa samadhi either, though I’ve gone far w/kriya. Is this wrong or a "cop out" for me to want death, or should I fight cancer for my loved ones, or for Guru? I’m tired.
Thank you for your question. It is very early in the game to want to throw in the towel. First, introspect on these things:
- Are you tired of life and this looks like an easy out? If so, is it time for another dose of “Say YES! to Life”?
- Are you afraid of the cancer treatments themselves, or is it simply that you are tired of life?
- You say you have not have desired this world, but your karmic desires did put you here. Perhaps this cancer is a way to burn up that karma.
- How bad is the cancer? If it has been detected early, it may be easy to treat by conventional or alternative methods, in which case it only seems right to heal it. In fact, early detection could easily be interpreted as a “sign” you should heal it. Paramhansa Yogananda says that, “Sometimes God works through misdiagnosis, when it is your time,” so we might assume that early and accurate diagnosis would suggest to treat it, if treatment is possible.
- Your good karma gave you a spiritual lifetime with a Guru and Kriya practice, as well as a loving husband. Do not throw this incarnation away lightly. Drink it to the last drop.
Some cancers are only discovered late in the game, and so may be difficult to heal. If this is the case for you, then your questions above are more understandable. But if a cancer is discovered early, and you don’t want to treat it because you are tired of life, it is almost like a person saying, “Oh — I have a bad cold, and I hope it turns to pneumonia, and I won’t treat it, and then I get to die…” That would be a death wish, and an attitude to overcome on the spiritual path.
Find out what you are truly facing. I think your question partly stems from the shock of the process you are in, as well as not knowing what would be required of you. Ask the doctors to tell you what your chances are with their treatments, and if the odds are dismal, seek treatment elsewhere. See what is available. There are natural and alternative treatments that have helped people even with advanced cancers. Do you have a knowledgeable person to advise you on these options, if alternative treatments are indeed your best bet?
My husband died in 2012, in a blissful passing. He was a deeply spiritual man, and he did not have a death wish. The cancer was misdiagnosed by a urologist in town for many months, and then was finally diagnosed at stage 4. This botched process, in retrospect, made it clear that it was his destined time to go. By the time he was diagnosed, the cancer was advanced and made it very difficult for him to travel, and thus limited our ability to seek high quality alternative treatments. At a certain point cancer can take off like a rocket fueled demon, making it difficult, though not impossible, to find anything to help. It comes down to a matter of timing and destiny. If you are destined to be well, God and Guru will guide you to a treatment that will help you, and in enough time to work, but you have to engage your loving and receptive will in the process. Let Guru decide when it is your time to go. This may indeed be the crucial spiritual lesson in all of this for you.
I share all of this simply to ask you to look at what is in front of you now. Choose life and positive action as long as is reasonably possible. You can also ask the healing prayer ministry for prayers, but since you are at such a sensitive phase, you can reach me at my office phone 530-478-7560, ext 7028 if you need a safe place to reach out, talk, and pray one on one. It will all be kept confidential, thus giving you precious and private time to process what is in front of you now.
Master bless you,
Ananda Healing Prayer Ministry
P.S. This affirmation, below, can be very helpful at times when life presents new challenges:
All Purpose Self Healing Tool — video with Mary Kretzmann
A Healing Affirmation by Paramhansa Yogananda
Focus deeply at the spiritual eye, and repeat three times:
“I will with my own will, which flows from the divine will, to be healthy to be well, to be prosperous and spiritual, to be well, to be well.”