blessings. I am struggling with something. in the recent past my partner (we are not married but have been together for about 3 years) had feelings, thoughts, and connection with another friend of ours. since then he has been sincere. I am having troubles letting it go and since then she has been wanting to open up connection with the both of us. I love her dearly but can't seem to accept them connecting with each other. I have been turnign to God and Guru for guidance in helping me let this go.

—c, usa


Dear Friend,

Have you discussed your concerns and feelings on this subject with your partner? No matter how logical it might be for your partner or your mutual friend to give assurances, “magnetism is the law.”

(I refer to the subtle exchange of energy of attraction, or sometimes its opposite, too, that occurs or is triggered by interactions and proximity one to the other. The subconscious can easily influence the conscious mind to reason that one’s association is harmless.)

3 years is not that much in time and in fact it’s not about time at all. If your friendship with this woman is indeed mutual, at best you and your partner might agree that you are both always together with this friend, and that your partner not engage in private conversations or situations with this friend.

It isn’t helpful to make demands but it can be helpful to be sincere about your reservations, feelings, and concerns. After all, how can you be a true friend with this woman if there is always a question mark hovering above your friendship.

Yes, it’s true that ex-wives and ex-husbands sometimes remain in contact and even become friends with the new spouse. That all sounds very mature and is well and good, but it’s by no means going to be the right thing for everyone.

This is a delicate issue and conversation, walking the line between demanding and asking, and dealing with the consequences. Depending on your partner and his reaction (or likely reaction), you may wish to give it some time to see what the results are actually like. But, here, again, it can be risky.

I would suggest that you find some non-threatening way to limit the frequency with which you all see each other and make sure that you are always present. Ideally, your partner will feel the same or at least be willing to support you and cooperate with you to keep both your relationship together harmonious and your combined friendship with this other woman intact.

Blessings, Nayaswami Hriman