Is It Soul Love or Ego Love?


I recently broke up with someone, I am having a difficult time letting go of control and accepting things as they are.

I have never felt connected to someone on so many levels before, it felt like we were aligned spiritually. It wasn’t a long relationship and his behaviour after the break up hasn’t been good. Is it possible to have a spiritual connection with someone under these circumstances or is this really about my ego?

—Laura, United Kingdom


Dear Laura,

If your desire for a “spiritual connection” with him is in truth just a result of you “having a difficult time to let go,” then yes, it’s the ego holding on. In that case the lesson for this moment is to let go, to learn to accept, to rise above it. Visualize a string from your heart to his, and mentally take a pair of scissors, and with determination cut that string of attachment. Repeat that visualization often, and feel free and happy.

If, however, indeed your soul is involved in the connection you are feeling, perceiving a valid and precious soul-to-soul bond, then know that it won’t disappear. Let it blossom later on, once all attachments and desires are gone. It will then flourish more on a friendship level, at least in your own heart. In such soul-love or soul-friendship there is no trace of fear of loss, no need to control, no further holding on. It’s just love, a true soul connection. This, however, is something to consider in the long run, once all the difficulty of letting go and all the emotions are transcended.

Think about it: your work now – to attain inner freedom of love – is the perfect preparation for any future relationship. The best preparation for a good relationship, Swami Kriyananda taught, is for both sides to be able to be perfectly happy by themselves. Once I asked him: “What is the difference between human love and divine love”? He answered, “Divine love doesn’t want anything, it just wants to give.” Such ability to “only give” comes only from a state of inner freedom, from an inner fullness. It is the wisest direction for us all.

Divine love is probably what your soul desires. That Love is always right, and is always beautiful, while attached love is not, as it brings suffering. Love needs to learn to be happily free from all desire, expectation, hope, dependence. That love, as I said, may be a goal to aspire to later on, toward this person. For now, try to free your heart from all strings attached to him.

In divine friendship,