Unrequited Romantic Love



I have read that we come into this world to learn our lessons, if we understand why that test is there, and put positive energy in that direction, we can learn faster.

Now, in my life till now, I have found out that there is one test pattern that comes repeatedly. Whenever I love a guy, that guy never loves me. It happens only when I feel romantic love, not in any other relation. I feel very difficult to overcome and get back to normal. Please suggest what this test wants me to learn.

—S, India


Dear S,

You pose a common question. It often happens that we feel love that is not always returned, whether a romantic relationship or some other.

True love is not about receiving love, but about giving love. Loving heroically means to continue to love, even when it is met with disinterest, or even disdain.

However, that doesn’t mean to force your love on someone. It could mean that you will need to be satisfied with being a friend. Perhaps the lesson you are meant to learn is non-attachment, to be able to accept with good grace whatever the outcome might be in your relationships.

And, very often friendship grows over time into romantic love.

I personally believe that friendship is the best kind of human relationship. Our guru said that it is the purest kind of human love. If friendship is the foundation of any relationship, that relationship will endure through the years, regardless of what role you are temporarily playing – whether spouse, parent, child, co-worker, or any other role.

I would suggest to you that you focus on friendship — not only having friends, but being a friend. In other words, as a friend, think of the other’s needs before your own.

If your friend is doing something that could be harmful, a true friend will try to be a good influence, without judgment, perhaps by suggesting other things to do. If your friend is in a bad mood, again it might help to invite them to do something with you, even though they won’t be pleasant company. Thinking of others before yourself will make you a good friend. Being a good friend will draw to you the love that you want, and it will be of the best quality.

In divine friendship,
Nayaswami Sadhana Devi