I have recently met a man who is wonderful, isn’t particularly spiritual but supports me in my path and is supportive and helpful and very loving. I realized recently that I have a problem with lying, I do it even without knowing when or why and for little things — how do I rid myself of this so as to protect me and our relationship? I feel so sad and disappointed in myself, I find myself crying a lot and think of ending my life sometimes... I am not sure what is wrong. What do I do?
Congratulations on finding a wonderful man. Even though he is not yet on the spiritual path, from what you describe he exhibits spiritual qualities. So, for now, give thanks for that.
It is a concern, however, that while you are on the spiritual path, you have this nagging habit of lying, even in inconsequential matters. It doesn’t makes sense, unless in a past life you had to make a habit of lying — but the question is, Why? Were you a spy? Or did this habit develop in childhood? Whatever the reason, you are wise to see that this will destroy a relationship. And, ironically, you were honest here about having this problem of dishonesty. So there is hope. But, please stop crying and berating yourself about lying, just forget about that.
Instead, focus on developing a love and fascination for the opposite quality: truthfulness. Read about it and contemplate it. Practice it in small ways. And once you love the concept of truthfulness, practice non-lying as a specific discipline.
“To tell a truth is a more spiritual karma than to tell a lie, for truthfulness develops a refined awareness of what really is — of the Divine Reality behind all appearances…”
—The Path, Chapter 28, “Reincarnation” by Swami Kriyananda
And please, no more saying that your partner “isn’t particularly spiritual.” If he tells the truth, he is spiritual. This will help keep you on equal footing. Appreciate his spiritual qualities.
Finally, these two affirmations from Affirmations for Self-Healing will be very helpful to you now:
Affirmations for Self-Healing: Truthfulness
BY J. DONALD WALTERS (SWAMI KRIYANANDA)
Truthfulness is not caustic statements of unpleasant facts and unflattering opinions. Such statements are usually born of pride. But truthfulness is the effort always to see the divine truth behind appearances. It is the effort to express always that aspect of truth which may prove the most beneficial.
Truthfulness, as applied to ourselves, means not to hide behind self-flattering justifications: to look honestly at our real motives for doing anything, and not to flinch before unpleasant realities in ourselves. Truthfulness means seeing things as they really are, but then looking more deeply for ways to improve those realities.
Whatever is, simply is; I cannot change it for the mere wishing. Fearlessly, therefore, I accept the truth, knowing that, at the heart of everything, God’s truth is always good.
Heavenly Father, I will not fear the truth, for I know that Truth comes from Thee. Help me to see behind all appearances Thy smiling, all-compassionate gaze.
Affirmations for Self-Healing: Courage
BY J. DONALD WALTERS (SWAMI KRIYANANDA)
Courage: There are three kinds of human courage: blind, passive, and dynamic. Blind courage doesn’t count the cost until it finds itself faced, horror-stricken, with the bill. Passive courage is the strength of will to adjust to reality, whatever it may be. And dynamic courage is the strength of will not only to accept reality, but to confront it with another reality of one’s own making.
There is a fourth kind of courage: not human, but divine. Divine courage comes from living in the awareness of God’s presence within, and in the realization that He is the sole Reality. Live more in Him, for nothing and no one can touch what you really are.
I live protected by God’s Infinite Light. So long as I remain in the heart of it, nothing and no one can harm me.
I look to Thee for my strength, Lord. Hold me closely in Thy arms of love. Then, whatever happens in my life I shall accept with joy.
I also suggest that you buy the book Affirmations for Self-Healing so you can focus on any other affirmations deeply for one week at a time. This will keep you encouraged in your spiritual development. I believe you can buy it from Ananda Europa.
And finally — please watch this free video: A Healing Affirmation by Paramhansa Yogananda. This affirmation will help you in those moments when you are discouraged and feel like ending your life. Please don’t ever do that. Do this instead:
Focus deeply at the spiritual eye, and repeat three times:
“I will with my own will, which flows from the divine will, to be healthy to be well, to be prosperous and spiritual, to be well, to be well.”
I wish you the best in all things.
God bless you,