What Should I Do About My Mom’s Unhealthy Relationship?


My mom is very attached to my dad who over the yrs have become volatile. My mom being non assertive has tried to correct his behaviour bt she starts talking with him no matter how he behaves. This has led him taking us for granted to the extent the entire environment of the home depends on his mood. We too as children have started becoming less patient nd shout on mom. Im very attached to her, i dont talk to her coz i want her to demand respect or i simply talk to coz she carries a heavy heart

—Anya, India


Dear Anya,

I feel for you in your circumstance. Unfortunately, this kind of behavior, on all sides, is common enough. Sri Yukteswar, Yogananda’s guru, would oftentimes use the words, “Learn to Behave.” Indeed, our behavior gives us valuable insight into the way we relate to others and how they relate to us. If we look deeply enough, we can also see “why.” We are all behaving in reference to our karma, primarily. It may look like someone is treating us inappropriately, but, in fact, our karma has drawn that behavior. The exception would be a pure soul, one who has transcended all karma. However, most of us have karma and karma magnetizes all that comes to us. There are three things you can do.

The first is to pray for your family as a whole and the individuals involved. Pray especially for harmony. Paramhansa Yogananda encouraged us to use the following prayer for harmony, extolling its profound and immediate effects. It follows: Lord, fill (name of person) with peace and harmony, peace and harmony. Repeat this 10 times with great focus and concentration blessing the person you have named with waves of peace and harmony. Then say, “Lord, fill me with peace and harmony, peace and harmony. Repeat this 3 times, feeling peace and harmony flooding your being.

The second is to try and control yourself so you do not react. Reacting to someone’s bad behavior brings forth the same kind of energy. Often a situation can be assuaged by not reacting. Sometimes this occurs immediately and sometimes over time.

The third is to breath deeply focusing on the heart center. Feel the calmness of your breath soothing the heart center. Feel this energy rising to the point between the eyebrows. As you exhale, feel divine grace descending and flooding your being. Once you feel this within yourself, try to expand this feeling to include others around you.

I hope you find the help you need in these suggestions. Joy to you, Nayaswami Maria