I meditate vipassana. It is the 8th month. 1.5 hours from 5 am, 2 hours from 8 pm. I am getting weaker physically as I feel less the need to eat. During meditations I shiver strongly, yet the pain is slowly subsiding and the attention is getting sharper. I am concerned about my social life. I don't want to go to work anymore or see other people. I feel a strong need to run away from the city. Am I doing something wrong?
—bogdan, romania
Thank you for your question. Your sincere commitment and dedication to your practices is commendable and will give you results quickly. In not knowing about your particular practices it is hard to advise you specifically. Depending on your individual karma, removing yourself from the world is your individual decision. Many devotees meditate away from all worldly distractions. But some are not able to have that level of seclusion.
Even if you can seclude yourself, it may be a good idea to think about your practices as a long distance, marathon run. This means to pace yourself. You will need to keep your body fit in good condition and working order to continue to the goal. This means keeping the body healthy for meditation is the most important thing you can do. Good rest, food, exercise, social connections, satsang and overall balance is necessary for that inner enlightenment and for the peace of mind to keep going forward.
Most devotees on the spiritual path cannot move out of the city or quit jobs or abandon all social relationships already part of their lives. Learning how to work in the world is optimal then. Surround yourself with truth seekers, if possible, this can be a very helpful support for your meditations. Inspired people and activities will help keep a more healthy focus for your inner work. Unless you can make that complete life style change, it will be necessary to think about how to achieve that balance.
You are not doing anything ‘wrong’ but you may consider lessening the time and intensity of your meditation for a time. If your body feels weak or stressed during meditation take a break. At the same time, never give up your dedicated commitment, just relax more into the process. Listen in your heart. Think in terms of inner balance bringing you the desired goal you are working toward. Follow inner guidance by keeping the heart opened through relaxation.
Also, however your definition of God, Higher Awareness or Infinite Presence is perceived rely on that perception to help you in your efforts and directions. That self offering will make you more receptive to the help and guidance to perfect your practices with love and joy! You will find that love and joy anywhere!
Many blessings on your efforts.
