Betrayal in Marriage: How Do I Come Out of the Pain?


I was devoted wife but my husband was playing with my emotions and making me fool. I discovered 2 weeks before the delivery of second child that he was having an affair. He again made me emotional fool, said so many lies and all. He didn’t stop there but even started disrespecting me at my back and saying wrong stories behind my back blaming me for all that. For the last 9 years he was my life, i used to love him madly, i am and all over the places. How to come out of such an extreme pain?

—shivi, India


Dear Shivi,

Oh how heartbreaking to hear such a story of betrayal. I wish I could say to you, as an American might say, “Wash your hands of that man and never look back!” Well, it’s not that simple, is it!

Do you have a life of prayer? Meditation? It sounds like you have two small children, and that’s a handful for a single mother. Are you at your mother’s home now? Separated from your husband? (I assume so.)

The greatest lesson in life is to pierce the veil of sadness and troubles and to reach up for the hand of Divine Mother who knows always what is best for our souls. The body and ego may, at times, suffer physically or emotionally, but She knows what is best for our soul to awaken and resume the climb towards freedom, moksha. It may be a long journey, but the alternative is not very appealing to the soul. Sometimes the medicine tastes terrible, but it is for our healing and well-being, yes?

Better to find out his infidelity sooner rather than later, don’t you think? You can’t change him (or anyone else), but you can work on improving your life and caring for your children. Quite possibly there are financial hardships right now? And other difficulties, I imagine. So focus your mind on your life and your children’s care. Do what you must to deal with necessities that relate to your husband (perhaps a divorce or other settlements and agreements).

Never miss your daily appointment with God and Divine Mother. Without them, we couldn’t exist. Without them, your children would not be part of your life. So even if it’s but a few minutes of quiet, inward prayer, never miss it.

Practice gratitude! That sounds impossible at this moment perhaps, but try it. Look around you and feel grateful for your children, your family, friends, your health and intelligence. And, sadly, there are millions who are in far more dire circumstances than you, right? Be grateful for Mother in nature as well.

It may not feel like it right now, but someday you will look back and see that this difficult situation was a gift from Divine Mother. Try to visualize or feel that you have been given a gift. Maybe you haven’t opened it yet to see what it is, and maybe it seems poorly wrapped, but …… just wait! I don’t know at this point how this will come to pass, but I know it will be true if you will but look for the compassion and wisdom of God guiding your life, even in these difficult times. This is the life of the devotee: accepting what comes as coming from God, and then with energy, intelligence, and skill making the best of the situation with calm acceptance and quiet joy.

Yes, it can be done. For your own well-being, it must be done. Think of the example to your young children of your courage and faith if you stay positive and get on with your life as independently as circumstances allow.

Blessing to you and your children!
Nayaswami Hriman
Seattle WA