I am undergoing a very difficult time after a panchakarma that was too much for my body. I am having deep depression and anxiety . I have meditated for 25 years but this panchakarma completly exhausted me. I have undergone 3 months of hell. I have wanted to die. Slowly i am trying to meditate more and become attuned to my Gurus grace but every moment is a struggle. I am wondering if my devotion is strong, can the Guru bring me back to life quickly. I am impatient AS this has been going on long.
—HEDDA HEYERDAHL, Norge
Dear Hedda,
Certainly your Guru can and will help if we turn to him sincerely, with devotion. He will do so also quickly, if he so decides. I am not him, so I don’t know what he decides. Maybe he thinks you need to struggle yourself to get out of it, to become stronger, and to never forget this important lesson. Or he might think, “Ok, that was enough, I’ll lift her out of it.”
At any rate, your strong devotion to the Guru arrives at his consciousness. “Tho those who are in tune wit me, I feel them,” Yogananda said for example. And what else can a true Guru do but help his devotees in the way he feels right?
The important thing might be this: have you fully understood your lesson? Panchakarma is really tough, and obviously it was not the right decision for you. Maybe you need to be more gentle with yourself, love yourself, be appropriate with yourself?
At any rate, keep inwardly very close to your Guru, pray, meditate, and know that you will get out of this a wiser and more devoted person.
All the best,
Jayadev
