Expansive vs. Contractive Family Love


My brothers and I are half-siblings with a large age gap (12-14 years). Because of this, we have seen each other as more of distant relatives instead of siblings. We never talk about our feelings or thoughts to each other. A while ago, after my brothers broke up with their girlfriends, I have been able to spend time with them more than ever. However, recently one of them started seeing someone and I have become horrendously jealous, sad, and distant from them. What should I do?

—Michelle, USA


Dear Michelle,

Jealousy is definitely a painful emotion, as all negative emotions are most painful to the person feeling them. “Look at your own plate” — think about what God has given you in your own life and relationships. Also, remember you are free and own no one.

This jealousy may just be a confused “feeling” as you are trying to create and blend family ties of love and acceptance. It is good to be aware of how true, unconditional and universal love expands and enriches life vs. contractive love that confines and restricts growth.  Unconditional love is impersonal at the same time.

A beautiful affirmation from Swami Kriyananda’s booklet called Secrets of Emotional Healing: “The secret of overcoming jealousy is to realize that no human being ever owns another; each stands alone before eternity. That man or woman most truly loves who is inwardly free, and who grants perfect freedom to all. Everyone must grow at his own pace, to find his rightful position in the great scheme of things.”

It may help you to affirm: “I am inwardly free, and I grant perfect freedom to all.”

The more you can be centered in your own being and find completion and joy within yourself the less negative emotion will come to mind. When those thoughts of jealousy do appear, here is powerful prayer to replace it.

Think of the other persons involved and say:

“Lord, fill them with peace and harmony, peace and harmony.” Then, for 15 seconds pray for yourself, “Lord, fill me with peace and harmony, peace and harmony.” Try to do this prayer 5 times a day or whenever a negative thought comes to mind.

If you can do this regularly you will not be allowing negative emotions to ruin your relationships and your happiness.  Many blessings on your efforts.

Nayaswami Hassi