Isn’t it rather unrealistic of God to expect you to love him more than anything else? He is rather silent and seems to be arrogant, never answering anything. He seems like a cold "person" or quite “shy”… hehe ....no matter how many books about God I read, I can’t believe that God loves me, because I don’t feel His presence. Most people who are interested in God are not saints. It is almost impossible to get in touch with God, yet we must love God more than anything.
Yes, how to love a God whom we do not know, who is silent, whom we don’t easily feel, except in moments of inner grace, which don’t happen to everyone?
I believe this is why the wise Sri Yukteswar says in the Autobiography of a Yogi: “The only honor that man can pay his Creator is to seek Him; man cannot glorify an Abstraction that he does not know.”
It will be easier to love Him once you feel Him. How to do that? Seek Him. For now, don’t be a God-lover but a Truth-seeker, or God-seeker. Use meditation as your tool, combined with prayer, if that works for you. Pray: “Help me to feel you.”
I hope in the inner silence you feel His presence closer. Actually it is always close, we just are not silent and sensitive enough to feel that presence.
Meditate, pray, and feel. once you feel, you will love, for sure. You can scold Him inwardly: “Why do You hide? Why don’t You answer, hardly ever? You seem arrogant! Or are You shy? Why do You make it hard to feel You?”
He doesn’t mind that kind of sincere “feedback” if it is given with an honest, but loving heart. See what answer you will get!
Just search for His presence in the inner silence, daily. That will dissolve your dilemma, in time at least.
God bless your perceptions,