Grief over the death of one’s father


My father was brutally killed on 16 May. I miss him every second. All I think of is how much pain he got in those last few seconds of his life. He would have called our names -- what went through his mind in that moment? He was a person who used to discuss a single event n number of times, but he could not say what happened to him that day. All I want is to talk to him. I want to hear his voice. My heart is not ready to accept he is gone. He was a wonderful human being: always positive, full of energy, patient.

—Akanksha, India


Dear Akanksha,

I am so sorry to hear of your father’s death.

I want to tell you something that is not often said: at times of instant death (a car accident; a murder, etc.), a person sometimes feels no pain or the pain is very brief. As the life force is instantly pulled from the body, sensations are also instantly numbed. Of course, it is not always this way. It depends on how quickly death takes place. But I hope for your father’s sake it was quick.

Just as you miss him, think also how it must be for your father. The best thing you can do for him now is to send him calm feelings and blessings of love. Wishing that he would return may increase his soul’s anxiety. Think of his needs for comfort and love at this time. Of course, you cannot help but feel your loss and grief but at least try also to think of his needs. He IS with you now in your heart, your memories, and through the vehicle of his love. It is important that you have moments and times of deep calmness through which you send your gratitude and love and best wishes for him now that he is gone.

Do not underestimate the importance of what you can do for him through prayer and loving thoughts. It is ok to “talk with him” but do so calmly as if he were right there with you. Do this only when you are not emotional, however. Extend to him your understanding of where he is: in the astral realm without a physical body.

Not having a human body, nervous system and brain makes communication, memory, and thoughts using human speech very difficult. Communicate therefore with images and feelings but not with heavy emotions. Imagine you are sitting in the room with him and he is reading the newspaper and you are reading a book. The room is quiet and peaceful. Send your love in waves of nonverbal energy from your calm heart and clear mind.

Your father’s soul remains eternal and without blemish of pain, anger, or fear. Reach into your own soul and into that consciousness; send your soul’s ever-new joy and love to his soul. Love is forever but true love is obscured by grief and sorrow. Celebrate his life not so much your loss. Be of good cheer for he lives.

Blessings to you and to the soul of your father,
Nayaswami Hriman
Seattle WA USA