How to turn attachment for others into love for God?
I get very easily attached to people and start hoping for them to reciprocate the love and affection. But it always disappoints me and god has shown me time and time again how unpredictable human love is. How do i love god wholly and be free of the need to seek love and attention from others...in a way so i can love each and all without expectations?
—Pereha, India
Dear Pereha,
Think of yourself as very fortunate for you have discovered that human love is driven by human needs and desires. When human love is not returned, our feelings are hurt. Though hurtful, this lesson is one of the soul’s greatest lessons. So, be grateful that you have seen through the illusion of human love.
Of course, it’s not THAT easy and surely you will have opportunities to remember this again and gain. Nonetheless, very few people ever understand this lesson.
So, how to turn your love toward God? Daily prayer, devotion and meditation can open your heart to a love that is without condition; it is forever; it is accessible to you. But because our human nature seeks human form, it is better for most of us to embody our love for God in a form that is near and dear to us: Goddess Kali or one of the other forms of Divine Mother that attract you. Or, perhaps the form and the eyes of your guru or another saintly person.
When you pray ask God: “Teach me how to love you!” Also, Swami Kriyananda taught us that when we don’t feel devotion because we do not know God (yet), we can pray: “Teach me to feel your love!”
During daily activities or whenever your heart feels an attraction to other people, remind yourself that what you love is God IN THAT PERSON. We can’t love every person on the basis of their appearance, behaviour or personality. We are attracted to some but repelled by others. HOWEVER, when we experience unconditional love in prayer or meditation, we naturally radiate that love to all whom we meet, without thought of who they are, or whether they are, to you, lovable or unlovable.
So, to summarize:
1. Pray and meditate daily.
2. Pray to feel God’s love
3. Pray to know how and in what form to love God
4. Pray to love all people with the (unconditional) love of God.
5. See God in all people and love God in all, never mind whether they please or displease you.
6. Remember that to love with the love of God is to love without personal motivation or attachment. Expect nothing from others but give to them the gift of God’s love.
7. Be a channel for God’s love and joy.
Blessings and joy to you,
Nayaswami Hriman
Seattle WA USA
